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A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
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The Weekend Desk Report

We've been working so hard to keep you up-to-date we totally forgot to strike.

Market Update
You are about to get so much freakin' richer. And you know what? If you use your rebate to buy a plasma TV with your Discover card that's, like, another $160 in your pocket. What recession?

Super Backing
While the race for the Republican nomination is looking like a blow-out, the Democrats are poised this weekend to slug it out for the all-important Eli Manning endorsement. Analysts note that although the Super Bowl MVP hasn't spoken publicly, he seems to favor backing DirecTV.

Backing Down
Under pressure for various corners, MSNBC's David Shuster is planning to clarify his controversial remarks concerning Chelsea Clinton. In an apparent case of mistaken identity, Shuster confused the younger Clinton with Heidi Fleiss, who naturally does her own pimping.

Putting the "Rack" in Iraq
Stung by internal criticism of his Iraq war policy, President Bush this week authorized a different kind of troop surge. Seriously, though, she could kick some major ass.

Bombs Away
Finally this week, the Department of Homeland Security has proudly announced they have thwarted a potential terrorist event. While no evidence of a coordinated attack exists, experts note even a chance meeting between an aggressive international entity and a well-documented domestic sleeper cell could've devastated the city of Los Angeles.


Posted on February 9, 2008

MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - Locked Out And Loaded.

BOOKS - Foxconned.


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