The Weekend Desk Report

It's been our pleasure to serve at the Weekend Desk in 2007. As New Year's Day draws near, we pledge to be at least 50% more butch in 2008.

Market Update
It's time to put the pain of the recent Bear market behind us. Of course, despite recent gains the climate is hardly Bullish. Experts note the housing crunch may keep the Cub market depressed and there's been precious little movement on the Sox market. According to analysts, conditions are ripe in 2008 for a rare Hawk market.

Iowa Lot to Them
With the 2008 Iowa caucuses right around the corner, analysts are predicting sources of bitchery and paranoia may not hold much longer and may lead to terminal fatigue.

Trumped Down
As more politicians contemplate a return to private life after years of repression, lies and mind-boggling denials, we have good news: the lower ring of Hell is now open.

One Step Ahead
Scientists this week have announced the discovery of a snortable drug that replaces sleep. Lindsay Lohan has announced, "Duh."

Buckeyes, Indeed
Finally, with the BCS Championship Game right around the corner, the state of Ohio has already taken a commanding lead in the all-important Kinky Entrapment Bowl while Texas A&M has blown out a strong field to take the Really Fucking Tasteless Bowl title.

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