The Weekend Desk Report

It's good to be back at the Weekend Desk, where we've been gloriously phony since 2006.

Market Update
Mortgage lending giant Countrywide Financial has announced plans to salvage $1.2 billion in potential bad debts by accepting payments in 10W-40. Meanwhile, experts estimate that their current uncomfortable vacant homes analogy will stop being funny by late second-quarter 2008.

Over-Consumption
American leaders strongly defended the nation's faddish obsession with biodiesel against harsh accusations this week, saying that while fuel production may indeed drive up global food prices, the world could stand to drop a few pounds anyway.

Campaign '08: Mitt-Stupid?
Mitt Romney used a New Hampshire appearance this week to attack Hillary Clinton's family values in a desperate attempt to distract voters from the fact that he is way too fucking dumb to be president. Fortunately, his main opponent ain't too bright either.

Campaign '16: Ringing Endorsement?
Meanwhile, Chicago 2016 officials are refusing to discuss the number of public services being used to stage the World Boxing Championships this week, stating only that it's clearly not enough.

Bucky Sobers Up
Finally this week, as part of our continuing series on freshly-illegal behavior, we turn our eyes northward. It is with great sadness we report that Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle has officially vetoed fun.

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