The Weekend Desk Report

We'll try not to get bleary-eyed and fall asleep on the watch this weekend.

Market Update
Critics responded with skepticism to presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton's proposal to flood the market with new consumers, pointing out that each $5,000 birthday grant will probably be worth around $17.50 at maturity.

Disabilify
Drug manufacturer Bristol-Myers Squibb has agreed to pay $515 million to settle claims that it blatantly violated the rules of the English language with its antipsychotic drug Abilify. Company spokespeople have apologized, saying they misunderestimated the seriousness of the offense.

Pardon Possible
Lawyers for the beleaguered drug company are reportedly considering seeking a presidential pardon, although they feel President Bush may be too concerned with his foreign policy efforts to pay much attention to domestic affairs.

Doomsday Redux
In some parts of the world, people risk their lives to resist punitive increases in transport costs. You know, just sayin'.

Oh, Big Brother!
IBM and Chicago officials have announced plans for a massive upgrade to the city's surveillance system. New software will allow security cameras to recognize any anomalies, like, say, when a cop beats the shit out of someone three times in a night.

Taxing Proposals
Finally this week, a citizens' coalition has urged Cook County Board President Todd Stroger to forgo a 2% hike in sales tax, at least until he's figured out how to collect the taxes the county is owed already.

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