The Weekend Desk Report

We've been laying low this week, the better to monitor the world while you relax.

Market Update
Apparently, "stability" now means vertiginous stock market upswings built on unsustainable foundations that don't really make most people feel any better. So now that we have stability, go on out and buy a house!

Snow Job
Let's just get this straight: it's not the waking hell of spouting an endless stream of lies for a historically unpopular administration that's finally melted Tony Snow; it's the need to provide for his family. Congratulations, Latrell. You've just out-scumbagged the king himself.

The Parent Trap
Well, thank God that long, national nightmare is over.

Power Hungry
The Chinese government this week took radical steps to protect its population from sky-rocketing commodity prices. Hey, take heart China: at least it's not corn. Or gas. Or corn and gas.

Olympic Trials
As Beijing prepares to host the 2008 Summer Games, its goal of providing almost no breathable air has been reached well ahead of schedule. Officials with Chicago's 2016 Olympic bid committee would like to assure the public that local energy producers are doing their bit to keep pace. Furthermore, BP has generously pledged to deprive potential visitors of potable water as well if it helps to land the Games.

Falling Through the Cracks?
The leadership at Metra has fired off letters to state lawmakers detailing their concern that the Chicago Transit Authority's needs will supersede those of suburban commuters. In response, Governor Blagojevich has pledged to do just as much for Metra riders as he has for the city: sweet fuck-all.

And Finally . . .
So how much of a co-pay do you think they'll charge for this at Stroger?

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