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The Weekend Desk Report

The Weekend Desk has wrapped up that pesky suspension; now it's time to get back to work!

Market Update
It was a bad week to be a child in Missouri as quarterly Eligible Parent projections plummeted more than 25%. Analysts warn that this trend could sour parenting markets nationwide.

Terror Turtle
America's subconscious need for an omnipresent terrorist threat took a bizarre twist this week when authorities halted the advance of the least-threatening military warcraft ever. Psychologists agree this trend of spotting terror everywhere it isn't will continue unabated in the future. After all, the thought of apathetically rotting from the inside out is a hell of a lot scarier.

Corporatalooza
The Weekend Desk will loosely follow events at Lollapalooza in case any news breaks out that you need to be aware of. Though we're still not sure if we should spend most of our time at the AT&T Stage or the Adidas Stage.

Meanwhile, Chicago police and NBC correspondent Chris Hansen will work the MySpace Stage.

Billy Goat Gruff
The Cubs, feeling uncomfortable in first place, committed Harry Caray on Friday and it paid immediate karmic dividends. Sources say the team will make one more move to save the brand.

Legal 'Til Now
In our newest feature, we examine the slow destruction of our civil liberties by outlining those most fragile freedoms: the ones we didn't even know we had. This week, we mourn the loss of our right to unwittingly drown ourselves while kayaking.

Brown Down
Finally this week, we've got a word of warning for noted Bush girl Angela Merkel: if you thought your troubles left with Tony, you were wrong.

*

Catch up with the week's Papers.



Permalink

Posted on August 4, 2007


MUSIC - The Week In Chicago Rock.
TV - Trump's Disastrous FCC Chair.
POLITICS - Filing: Walmart CEO Made $22.4 Million Last Year.
SPORTS - Canada Cuts Youth Hockey Injuries In Half.

BOOKS - America, We Need To Talk.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Photo Booth: Wyoming, Michigan.


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