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The Weekend Desk Report

We love our work here behind the Weekend Desk, but can you blame us for fluffing up our resumes every once in a while?

Market Update
The global consciousness markets collapsed this week as research revealed conclusive evidence that money is more likely to destroy the human spirit than it is to preserve it. Nah, just kidding! Spend 'til it hurts, kids!

At Wit's Proenza
We have a message for the beleaguered staff of the National Hurricane Center, who have apparently grown tired of non-productive political bickering and buck-passing: hang in there. Maybe you can oust your boss if he, like, conceals a major health issue during a time of crisis. Oh, wait. Never mind.

That Giant Sucking Sound
Despite robust reports of financial health, the City of Chicago has announced it will outsource several key administrative functions in the near future. Skeptics predict that sharp increases in production and transportation costs will force Chicago to relocate more key assets in the coming years. Eventually, the city's domestic presence will be reduced to a handful of high-end warehouse and showroom facilities. Oh, wait. Never mind.

Gold, Silver and Bronze Lining
On the bright side, however, the outsourcing of Chicagoans should make the Olympic negotiations a lot less contentious.

Bald-Face Cheek-Stakes
In a break with tradition, we will not be offering odds on the Asinine Gesture Derby this week. We just couldn't decide which was more achingly hypocritical, a green car with no fuel or a green venue with no shuttle service. Call it a push.

Clown Schooled
In other news, duh. There's a reason Network didn't spawn two sequels.


Posted on July 7, 2007

MUSIC - Spring Awakening Wake-Up Call!
TV - Exclusive! Rahm's New TV Gig.
POLITICS - The Political Odds UPDATED.
SPORTS - NHL: CTE Not Our Fault.

BOOKS - Stan Lee, Flawed Hero.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: I Am Iron Man.

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