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The Weekend Desk Report

"Chicago could increase its stock of affordable housing and invigorate its neighborhoods by lifting its longtime ban on coach houses and similar dwelling units, a group of real estate experts and urban planners said in a report to be released Thursday," the Sun-Times reports.

Chicago has a ban on coach houses?

I feel like I know people who have lived in them! I think I've looked at a couple over the years when looking for a place to live!

"The report by Urban Land Institute Chicago called on city officials to streamline the permitting process and take other steps to encourage construction of the units, which can be freestanding or additions to a property's main building. The units are often called carriage houses, granny flats or in-law apartments.

"To policymakers, the formal name is accessory dwelling units, or ADUs. Mayor Lori Lightfoot has said she supports allowing ADUs where they are wanted. Her administration plans to introduce an ordinance lifting the ban on ADUs while providing controls on their design."

Maybe some granny flats were grandfathered in?

(That was a very satisfying sentence to write.)

"ADUs have been banned in Chicago since a 1957 rewrite of its zoning code. Many such units exist and were either added illegally or were grandfathered as legal in the 1957 code. The report cited data published on the Chicago Cityscape blog that used building footprints to estimate Chicago has 2,400 coach houses."

Aha. Maybe that explains my surprise, then, that the units are actually banned in Chicago, because they seem alive and well. But more, yes.


Machete Man
"The Chicago Police Department is investigating officers who responded to multiple 911 calls, but then refused to arrest a machete-wielding man. Instead, the officers allegedly advised a resident on how he could legally shoot his neighbor," WBEZ reports.

Well, the federal consent decree does say that . . . wait, what?

"The investigation into the Humboldt Park disturbance follows reporting by WBEZ.

"A man WBEZ is identifying as William described being terrorized by his next door neighbor, who William said broke a fence and came onto his property with a machete and later tried to light the grass on fire . . . William said police refused to arrest the man, citing concerns about spreading the coronavirus, and instead gave the neighbor a ticket. The officers also told William he would be within his rights to shoot the neighbor if he came on his property with a weapon."

Perhaps a better solution would have been for the police to send a Crisis Intervention Team to meet with the neighbor, who perhaps is in need of some psychological attention. Or wait for a tragedy to occur, either way.


John Kass's Bravery With Other People's Lives
From his secluded lair someplace in suburbia, where he fled to lessen the risks of the city and raise his children, John Kass thinks America has become a bunch of pussies . . .

Here's a proposition: If Kass gets a job at a meatpacking plant, or in a nursing home, I'll get one too and work alongside him.


From our very own David Rutter:

I tend to ignore festering pestilence, but John Kass? Has he gone off his ever-loving rocker?

He argues today in the Tribune that we should seek out risk to prove our American credentials, and be ashamed of being too risk-averse. He creates fake, hysterical strawmen to make his point.

What world is he in, and what human flaw does he wish to correct? It's fatuous, cynical journalistic malpractice.

He acts as though my Irish great, great grandfather gathered his 10 closest relatives to a trans-Atlantic sailing ship and came to America to prove he was manly. As if he would not have picked a 747 Coach Class ride for them if he'd had the choice.

The risk of history's timing was thrust upon him.

People take risks because they must for a higher cause or because they have no choice. No sane person seeks out risk to prove a point. Evel Knievel is dead. One too many pointless risks for the audience's approval. At least he did it for money.

What Kass proposes is not only wrong, it's a shameful, murderous proposition. He is proposing a course of conduct that could get credulous admirers killed if they took his advice.

That's the moral question of deadly risk. You might take it upon yourself in self-defense or to protect others. But you can't require others to accept deadly risk in order to prove worthiness to their neighbors. That is even a less subtle version of Fox pedaling that "COVID-19 is a hoax."

In Kass's view, sure it's deadly; you're bored; so take a chance on infecting yourself or others; we all die eventually.

There are 80,000 dead Americans this morning who might have wished they had a chance for a better choice.



New on the Beachwood . . .

How Climate Change Is Contributing To Skyrocketing Rates Of Infectious Disease
'Scientists have been studying the coronaviruses of southern China for years and warning that swift climate and environmental change there - in both loss of biodiversity and encroachment by civilization - was going to help new viruses jump to people.'


A Return To Abnormalcy
"For this drive-in movie theater, a chance to return to normalcy," proclaimed one outlet, neglecting to mention that recent "normal" for drive-ins is a sign that reads "out of business."

From our very own David Rutter.


The Loss Of Normality
'If this is the rehearsal of how we'll be cooperating on climate change, then it will go badly.'

Yeah, it already has. Still, an interesting interview with Paulo Giardano, the author of How Contagion Works.


The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #303: The Neverending Last Dance
The Jordan fools. Plus: Kristin Cavallari Finally Meets Jay Cutler (Or Jay Cutler's Last Dance); Ryan Pace Claims He Still Believes In Mitch Trubisky Even After Declining His 5th-Year Option And Signing Nick Foles, Which Is A Good Way To Show How Much Confidence He Has In The Guy He (Badly) Maneuvered For So He Could Pick Him To Second Overall In The NFL Draft; The KBO On ESPN!; and The Ex-Cub Factor.


Weekend ChicagoReddit

Completely random dude pulled up out front and start playing live blues out of the back of his pickup truck. from r/chicago


Weekend ChicagoGram

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Happy Mother's Day 🥰🥰

A post shared by Limitless Balloon Design (@limitlessballoons) on


Weekend ChicagoTube

The History of Jazz: Chicago


Weekend BeachBook

A Lost "Little Africa" - How China, Too, Blames Foreigners For The Virus.


How Pandemics End.


The Real Lord of the Flies.


How Offensive Lineman Eat.


Weekend TweetWood
A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.



Everything is a lie.


I wish I wasn't still surprised at how bad the New York Times can be.





And one-way aisles! C'mon, people!


The Beachwood Q-Tip Line: One way or another.


Posted on May 10, 2020

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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