Chicago - Nov. 13, 2019
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Army Of Darkness
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A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)
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The Weekend Desk Report

"A now-elderly hoodlum who led the Chicago mob's London diamond heist in 1980 is back on the street and his Outfit accomplice has one foot out the door of the U.S. Bureau of Prisons, staying in a Chicago halfway house," ABC7 Chicago reports.

"Together, career mobsters Art Rachel and Jerry Scalise stole the famous Marlborough diamond from a U.K. jewelry store on September 11, 1980.

"Now mob-watchers are wondering whether the Outfit duo is planning a 45-carat reunion when Rachel joins Scalise in newfound freedom from the Bureau of Prisons."

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Both men are 81, but . . . "authorities never recovered the stolen diamond and some investigators have long suspected that Scalise and Rachel somehow managed to hide the 45-carat stone."

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It's not as if the pair are out of prison for the first time since the heist, though. See Newsweek's Diamond Thieves, Now 73, On A New Crime Spree.

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As for the diamond, it appears the pair had a cabbie who was taking them to Heathrow airport after the heist to mail it to Scalise's sister in New York City. When the pair landed at O'Hare, they were arrested.

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Pot 101
"Colleges ban medical cannabis on campus, but how long can those policies remain realistic?" GateHouse Media Illinois wonders.

"Medical marijuana use has been legal in Illinois for over half a decade, but colleges and universities in the state have yet to adapt equal on-campus regulations."

University of WTF.

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Mall Of America
"The developers behind the massive apartment complex rising on the old Megamall site announced on Thursday that Big Wig Tacos, Jersey Mike's Subs, K-Fire Korean BBQ and Verizon will join Target as ground-floor tenants when the complex opens in spring 2020," Block Club Chicago reports.

So the Megamall is becoming a MegaMall.

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Here's the real kick in the head, though: "In February, Block Club reported that the developers were looking to rent out studios for at least $1,975 a month and two-bedroom apartments for at least $3,295 a month based on information listed on the project website."

Emphasis mine, because fuck you every single person attached to this monstrosity.

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"The complex, rising in the 2500 block of North Milwaukee Avenue, sits on a site most recently occupied by the Discount Megamall, an indoor flea market that lasted more than 20 years despite being slapped with more than 100 building code violations, a yearlong shutdown, a move by the city to seize it via eminent domain and a 2007 fire that reduced the showroom space to less than a third of its original size."

God, I miss it.

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Card

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Porn Hubbub
"Kraft Heinz and Unilever are vowing to keep ad campaigns away from Pornhub, one of the most-visited adult-video websites, after a report uncovered disturbing and potentially illegal pornography on the site," Ad Age reports.

"Kraft's Devour and Unilever's Dollar Shave Club both ran ad campaigns that appeared on Pornhub this year, marketing decisions that could be viewed as risqué for corporate parents concerned about issues like brand safety."

Also in the interests of brand safety, Pornhub will stay clear of Kraft singles because yuck.

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"The Devour frozen food brand, which is only sold in the U.S., had a one-day promotion solely as part of the brand's Super Bowl activation," a Kraft Heinz spokesgoof wrote in an e-mail sent to Ad Age. "The brand was explicitly talking about #Foodporn, which has become a cultural phenomenon on Instagram."

In fact, every comment in this article comes in the form of a statement crafted by PR departments and e-mailed to reporters. Call it #StatementPorn. It's a journalism phenomenon.

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New on the Beachwood . . .

Did Chicago Drill Change The Game?
Yes.

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Jonathan Pie On The Campaign Trail
The real news is delivered off-air.

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Harvey Mayor: Aldermen Favor Strip Clubs Over Improved Infrastructure
Potholes and streetlights off the agenda.

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The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #277: Ball Of Bears Confusion
Earmuffs, tunnel vision, TVs and The Temptations. Plus: Yolmer Sanchez Changes First Line Of His Obituary; Yu Darvish Is Really Funny When He's Not Sucking; Blackhawks Also Ball Of Confusion; Bulls Still In It!; and How Cubs Ticket Prices Are Like Crime Rates.

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I Was The Fastest Girl In America, Until I Joined Nike
"Mary Cain's male coaches were convinced she had to get 'thinner, and thinner, and thinner.' Then her body started breaking down."

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Macmillan Screwing Libraries
New e-book licensing policy is a disaster.

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Recall! Nature's Rancher Organic Ground Beef
Shipped to five states including Illinois.

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Weekend ChicagoReddit

What can I expect from Whitney Young High School if I choose to go there? from r/chicago

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Weekend ChicagoGram

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Weekend ChicagoTube

Bauhaus at the Metro in 1982.

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Weekend BeachBook

The Unmistakable Black Roots Of Sesame Street.

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Sorry, Plant Parents: Study Shows Houseplants Don't Improve Air Quality.

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Don't Paint Your Brick!

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Weekend TweetWood
A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.

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It'd be better if it had been, tho.

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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: How's that working out for you, America?



Permalink

Posted on November 9, 2019


MUSIC - Did Chicago Drill Change The Game?
TV - The Berlin Tunnel TV Wars.
POLITICS - Loyola's Predatory Lending Bill.
SPORTS - The Ex-Cub Factor.

BOOKS - Blow Your Mind.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Exclusive! Inside That Huge New Starbucks.


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