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The Weekend Desk Report

We thought about taking a week off, but there are some things you can't cry your way out of.

Market Update
Hoping to stem the rising tide of investor worry, managers of Chicago, Inc., voted themselves a pay cut this week. However, analysts dismissed the move as a token measure that will do little to ease fears of budget shortfalls and cut-backs.

Weekly Intervention
We know it's none of our business, but...

Oh Angie, honey, just dump this guy already. He leads people on, picks fights with anyone close to you, and makes you compromise on everything that's important to you. This is classic control-freak behavior. Besides, between you and us? He's totally running around on you.

The Upside
But, hey, every apocalyptic cloud has its silver lining, right?

Next Time, Try Flowers
President Bush attempted to make it up to main squeeze Angela Merkel this week by renewing a pledge of $30 billion to fight catastrophic diseases in Africa. It may be too little too late, however, as experts say the president will still be shown up by a total geek.

The Natural
And finally, Technology looks set to trounce the field at the week's Belmont Perfect Administrational Metaphor Stakes.


And now, the Weekend Desk brings you an encore presentation of . . .

The [Friday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

1. Obama is at it again.

2. The Waco Brothers open for Blue Oyster Cult at Ribfest in Naperville on Sunday July 1. I smell Beachwood road trip.

3. Illinois leads the nation in subsidies to Wal-Mart. By a wide margin.

4. Aldermen can't be bothered to show up at committee hearings.

5. What will Bush say to the pope?

A) Talk to the Godster lately? Heh-heh.

B) God was talking to me about you behind your back.

C) I know what God told you, but he told me that the war was a good idea. I just don't get Him.

6. "I would end up living in Lincoln Square for the next six years, and in that time I saw the neighborhood totally transform."

7. Your property taxes are going up. A lot.

8. "Small, independently owned publications such as No Depression and Punk Planet could face financial ruin if a proposed rate hike goes through July 15th."

9. "In December, the Tribune reported that Obama hired Aramanda's son as a 2005 summer intern in Obama's Capitol Hill office after Rezko recommended the intern," the Trib reports. "But it wasn't until last week that his campaign decided to give that money to charity."

10. "Dear Friend,

"Most political fundraisers are hosted by lobbyists and filled with representatives of special interests.

"But our campaign is different."

11. The lawyer who represented the recipient of the most controversial Clinton pardon was Scooter Libby.

12. Either way, Jim Thompson was negligent.

13. One of the mayor's common tactics in evading unpleasant questions or having to explain himself like an adult is to foresee the dire headlines and editorials that would result if he took this or that action. A tactical manuever, but also telling in how sensitive and obsessed he is about his media coverage.

"'You criticized [my father]. You said, He's the boss. You don't want bosses anymore. That word [boss]. You don t want that. Remember that. That's a bad word. Broker. Oh my gosh,' Daley said, tongue in cheek," Fran Spielman reports.

Spielman could have then asked, "Why are you such a prick?"

But her follow-up wasn't bad.

"And why is it a bad thing to break a stalemate between feuding political leaders that threatens to stand in the way of the state funding Chicago needs so desperately to stave off cuts at the public schools and CTA?

"'Read your editorials. Don't talk to me about that,' the mayor said. 'You can't say that word [boss]. You know that. There would be editorials criticizing it.'

"After saying all of that, the mayor, who lacks his father s Springfield clout, appeared to catch himself.

"Asked point-blank whether he would steer clear of brokering an agreement for fear of being labeled Son of Boss, he said, 'No. No. I m just kidding. I'm just saying you work with people. You talk to people. You have conversations. And you ask other people to really come together . . . I don't think anybody can come in now [and broker a deal]. There has to be a little more discussion. The public has to get more involved.'"

14. The last thing the mayor wants is for the public to get more involved.

15. The Tinley Park shed sucks. They should fill it with disco records and blow it up.

16. Tony Soprano has 61 minutes left to find redemption.

17. The New York Times recently reported on a focus group asked how they thought each of the presidential candidates would respond being stuck in a line at the airport. Here a few answers that have floated in placing Illinois figures in the same situation.

Daley: Would say "What line? I don't see a line" as he cuts to the front.

Obama: Would try to inspire the line to move faster.

Emil Jones: Would take ComEd's private jet.

Todd Stroger: Would hire his cousin as spokesperson to try to talk the people in the line into liking him.

Oprah: Would buy airplanes for everyone in line.

Lou Piniella: Would rearrange the line over and over but get the same result.

Rod Blagojevich: "This flight goes to Springfield? I'm in the wrong line!"

18. The five-second rule is now 30 seconds. So I'd say you've got a minute or two.

19. Catch up with the rest of this week's Papers.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Find redemption.


Posted on June 9, 2007

MUSIC - Who's Next In Chicago Rap.
TV - Tribune-Nexstar Deal Is Bad News.
POLITICS - Big Soda Hates You.
SPORTS - Harold vs. the Haters.

BOOKS - Wright Brothers, Wrong Story!

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Go Ahead, Eat Raw Cookie Dough!

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