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The Weekend Desk Report

In the wake of a shocking public split, we would like to point out that the Weekend Desk has been gum-free and well bathroom-oriented since 2006.

Axing Upset
Vegas will be licking its wounds for quite some time after 25-1 long-shot Frank Kruesi sailed to victory over heavy favorite Alberto Gonzales in this year's Doing a Heckuva Job Derby. Experts note, however, that while this first jewel in politics' triple crown was a shocker, a return to form is almost certain in the Empty Threats Stakes and the Tasteless Pandering event.

Axis Implosion
State Department sources warn that the Lindsay Lohan situation may soon become unsalvageable. In response to a series of aggressive attacks and blatant infiltrations by Paris Hilton, Lohan is apparently attempting to acquire the potentially devastating weapons technology originally developed by Britney Spears. Spears herself, however, is maintaining her very public commitment to disarmament. White House officials are said to favor isolating the antagonist Lohan, ostensibly for her own good.

Not Forthright League
In other news, a recent survey suggests some 70 percent of top NFL prospects are liars. It will be interesting to see how commissioner Roger Goodell copes with this latest character issue.

The Chicago Way
Finally this week, as Mayor Daley rallied the faithful to show just what this city is all about, it appears one small South Asian country has figured it out already.



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Posted on April 21, 2007


MUSIC - PJ Harvey Wins Pitchfork.
TV - 24 Hours With Velocity.
POLITICS - Reminder: U.S. Health Care Sucks.
SPORTS - World Roller Derby Day.

BOOKS - Trump's True Believers.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Land After Frac Sand.


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