The Weekend Desk Report

Well, whineter is here.

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) November 21, 2015

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Programming Note
For all the completists out there, there was no Papers column on Friday.

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Collinsville Catsup
"The World's Largest Catsup Bottle has a new owner," the downstate Belleville News-Democrat reports.

"Former owner Larry Eckert, of Bethel-Eckert Enterprise, sold the Collinsville landmark and the surrounding warehouse property to Franklin 'Al' Bieri, owner of Mississippi River Construction Co., located at 201 Scott Troy Road, O'Fallon.

"I've got a trivia question for you: Who owns the World's Largest Catsup Bottle?" Bieri said Thursday. "I do."

That's pretty good, but it'd be a lot cooler if A) we no longer used the word "catsup," and B) there was actually ketchup in the world's largest ketchup bottle. Also, it's not really a bottle, though it once did hold water.

Oh, and Illinois:

"In 2013, Bieri was sentenced in federal court to five months imprisonment, three months of home confinement and three years of supervised release for improper handling of asbestos at another property he owned."

In a statement at the time, the U.S. Attorney Stephen Wigginton said:

"This well-heeled businessman tried to save a few bucks by sending in untrained and improperly protected people, then had them dispose of this dangerous material improperly, exposing unsuspecting landfill workers. This conduct is breathtaking, literally. This jail sentence should demonstrate that no one is above the law, and my office will continue to aggressively pursue those who threaten the environment and public safety."

Bieri refused to talk to the News-Democrat about the incident

"If you want to talk about criminal history, we've got nothing to talk about," Bieri said.

Geez, Al, why not just apologize and say you hope to preserve your new ketchup bottle so it can continue to bring joy to the people? I mean, if you're going to have a bad attitude about the time you endangered the health of your workers, I'm never gonna come visit. And I love ketchup. I put it on everything, including hot dogs.

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It's on the National Register of Historic Places.

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Who owns the ketchup bottle now?!!! Don't swing it around like a big dick.

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If you go . . . Merchandise is available at the pharmacy.

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There's a festival.

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"The water tower was constructed in 1949 by the W.E. Caldwell Company," according to the bottle's Wikipedia page.

"The tower was built to supply water to the nearby Brooks catsup plant owned by the G.S. Suppiger Company. The president of the company, Gerhart S. Suppiger, is credited with the suggestion that the water tower be designed to resemble one of the company's catsup bottles."

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Brooks catsup still exists and my guess is it's pretty awful.

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Also, they should make the bottles look like the water tower. Make it a retro play.

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The Beachwood Radio Sports Hour #78: Grenver Packers Week
Bears face Brock Osweiler and Aaron Rodgers in two-game, five-day stretch. Plus: The NFL Stinks; The Slausonator; Osweiler Better Than Clausen, Fales; Packers Doom Spiral; Bulls Holding Serve; Blackhawks Gellin' Like Thornton Melon; and Cubs Hat Trick.

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The Sound Opinions Weekend Listening Report: "Sometimes we look forward to an artist's new release with great expectations, only to be crushed by the result. In honor of Thanksgiving, we present the annual Sound Opinions Turkey Shoot, where Jim and Greg share the biggest musical disappointments of the year. Later they review the new album from Canadian electronic artist Grimes, and Greg drops a quarter in the Desert Island Jukebox."

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Weekend BeachBook

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TweetWood
A sampling.

Are you going to vote for candidate that *only* wants to massacre all Muslims overseas or the one that also wants domestic internment camps?

— Tom the Turkey (@firetomfriedman) November 20, 2015

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Stop letting Americans into the country. https://t.co/n9T7Ooz1D4

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) November 21, 2015

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Tinder msg: "Whoa, there's a Swipe Surge in #Chicago! Open your app now and increase your chances."

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) November 21, 2015

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Demoted, then fired, by MSNBC in 2003 for pointing out media propaganda about Iraq War https://t.co/XTUrjQ3hkS https://t.co/WHfnXBqpqk

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) November 20, 2015

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No truer tweet has even been written https://t.co/pjZgOTC7VB

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) November 20, 2015

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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: No time to lose.

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