The Weekend Desk Report

Turns out there's a great way to spice up Super Bore Sunday: squeeze some balls.

Market Update
If your business is flagging, try a rebrand. Lying has been killing it since it changed its name to Innovation.

Brand Fired
Of course, the switch to Innovation only came after Lying executives found the name Progress wasn't gaining traction with their target market.

Hey Mayor Trendy!
Ugh, body cameras? Someone should tell him body cameras make your ass look fat.

Green Screen
Someone should also tell Mayor Trendy that hiking up your hemline always looks desperate. No little pop of color is going to distract your critics.

Buried Lede
Sure, on the surface this appears to be a cautionary tale about the risks of not vaccinating children. However, the real message is clear: Disneyland in December is NOT the Happiest Place on Earth.

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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Small world, big ideas.

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A Death In The Beachwood Family
"I knew Bob had been a college president, which I found intimidating at first as an editor, but I gleaned several fascinating aspects of Bob from the Sun that I did not know - chiefly his association with Garry Trudeau," Steve Rhodes writes.

The Legacy Of Ernie Banks
"Don't ask me how, but in 1957 and again in 1960, he played in 156 games when the schedule only called for 154," Roger Wallenstein writes.

Chicagoetry: Chicago
"I am an oligarchy / Of letters and laws, / Betters, debtors / And broken jaws," J.J. Tindall writes.

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The Sound Opinions Weekend Listening Report: "Sometimes the most exciting collaborations come in the most unexpected forms. Jim and Greg bring you some strange bedfellows that are actually successful. Then they review the latest album from Sleater-Kinney."

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BeachBook
* Number Of Illinois Households On Food Stamps Still Rising.

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TweetWood

Well, how much does a First Lady's chief of staff make in the private sector? http://t.co/O0ekqiFBXs | #twill

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) January 23, 2015

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Has Ed Burke ever released his tax returns? Just wondering if this goes for aldermen too. http://t.co/TJ2n88Zw7w And maybe the House Speaker

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) January 23, 2015

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Jeff Van Gundy -"There is no doubt that the #Bulls organization has the (Chicago) media in their hip pocket." Pretty strong stuff there

— Tom Noie (@tnoieNDI) January 24, 2015

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