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The Weekend Desk Report

Market Update
Shock waves rippled through global markets this week as a gold-standard asset holding, Royalty, took a beating.

Despite an impressive showing by the incumbent, the winner of the Lying Rodent of the Week title was sort of a no-brainer.

Family Bouquet
Apparently, Todd Stroger's other cousin is a florist.

Scoring at Home, Part 1
In further developments, Stroger announced an additional 3% staff cut to defray the cost of sending roses to the 17% of front-line county staff he's already laid off. "I thought I'd let them know, on an important day like Valentine's Day," Stroger said, "that even though they're fired, we can still be friends."

Scoring at Home, Part 2
Taking a page from Stroger's book, mercurial North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced plans this week to send American president George W. Bush a dozen yellow-cake uranium roses, signifying willingness to negotiate. "I thought I'd let him know, on an important day like Valentine's Day," Kim said, "that even though we're locked in a nuclear staff-off, we can still be friends." No report as of yet on the White House plan to reciprocate, although Bush was heard to comment that the flowers were, "just a riot."

Blood Roses
Man, it's a good thing Stroger's other cousin isn't a jeweler.

Martyr Complex
We're not sure anyone was planning to assassinate Madonna before, but in future we'd suggest she not put ideas in peoples' heads.

When You Care Enough...
Finally this week, Hallmark has released a new line of cards to help express the feelings of consumers during life's more awkward times. We predict the "Checks and Balances are a Bitch" the "That is So Not Your Baby" and the "Sorry you're kind of evil" cards will be particularly popular this season.


Posted on February 17, 2007

MUSIC - Spring Awakening Wake-Up Call!
TV - Exclusive! Rahm's New TV Gig.
POLITICS - The Political Odds UPDATED.
SPORTS - NHL: CTE Not Our Fault.

BOOKS - Stan Lee, Flawed Hero.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: I Am Iron Man.

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