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The Weekend Desk Report

Market Update
It's been a while since we've checked in on the Civilization Exchange, and the news is not good. Despite a coordinated effort to defraud potential shareholders, Human futures plunged this week after strong data indicated the company might never cap its out-of-control expenses.

Civil Warming
So just to review, the Bush administration has spent years concealing damaging information and distorting a major threat to national security. Now that the situation has turned toxic, Bush has acknowledged the issue in a high-profile stump speech, rejected any counter proposals and declared that the best solution is just to keep on keepin' on. Gee, didn't see that one coming.

One Forward, Two Back
Well, at least President Bush's ingenious strategy to boost research into AIDS treatment and prevention by gutting funding for overseas family planning centers he finds morally insupportable is finally paying dividends. Perhaps he should use this logic to tackle similar problems here at home.

Careful What You Wish For
Because seriously, George, it could cost you.

No Canada
Our Northern neighbor this week continued a relentless legislative push to ban all fun, declaring it is now illegal to be stoned in Canada. However, officials hinted they may look the other way should you wish to get stoned in Canada.

Clean Ass A Whistle
In local news, Ald. Arenda Troutman this week confidently declared that a substance found in her home was a fiber supplement used to cleanse her colon rather than cocaine, as suggested by the FBI. Which should make it easier for her to comply when prosecutors tell her to blow it out her ass.

Bitter Ends
Finally, we're going to refrain from making any formal recommendations with regard to Super Bowl wagering. It's up to you, really. So ask yourself, would you rather be knackered or drowned? Then bet accordingly.


The Weekend Desk also recommends the city's best Super Bowl links.


Posted on February 3, 2007

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike Settled.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Come On, Vic!

BOOKS - Chicago Book Haul: The Dial.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: West Town Blues.

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