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The Weekend Desk Report

Your knothole in the fence of this weekend's big stories.

We begin by sharing the latest information on a number of the stories we've been tracking for the last few weeks. After we despaired of walking the pizza-paved path to heaven, we've learned we won't be swimming there either. For the record, we told you so and we still don't care. And whoever took this guy in the fantasy dictator draft is kicking ass right now.

Might As Well Face It . . .
President Bush's history of excess once again caught up with him as he revealed this week he is addicted to Rummy. We are dispatching the crack Beachwood Reporter Intervention Team with one or two (or maybe three) words of wisdom he may find useful.

Berlusc-ownzed
Despite vociferous protests and a Hail Mary-tainted ballot attempt, it appears incumbent Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has lost his bid for re-re-re-election to challenger and fellow former prime minister Romano Prodi. However, if history has taught us anything we expect to bring you full coverage of Berlusconi's re-re-re-inauguration in approximately 18 months.

TomBrat
All eyes this weekend will be fixed on the expectant womb of Katie Holmes as the actress prepares to deliver the spawn of diminutive mega-star Tom Cruise any second now. While the Weekend Desk would certainly never condone gambling, we have compiled the following list of odds as a public service to you, dear reader. Here are the hot bets according to someone who absolutely is not our official bookie:

3/1 - She delivers immediately. MI:3 opens in three weeks; we need Katie red-carpet-ready!
5/1 - She delivers in two to three weeks. MI:3 opens soon and we need the last-minute free publicity!
14/1 - She doesn't deliver at all. Worst. Fake belly. EVER!
25/1 - Child someday romantically linked to ubiquitous Hollywood It-child Dakota Fanning.
500/1 - Child eschews Hollywood pedigree to lead a simple life of honest hard work.
5000/1 - Child not emotionally crippled from day one.



Permalink

Posted on April 15, 2006


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - Cricket vs. Brexit.
POLITICS - Charter Schools Complicit With Segregation.
SPORTS - USA Gymnastics Bans Illinois Coach.

BOOKS - The Randomness Of Harvard Admissions.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Public Lands Matter.


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