The Weekend Desk Report

Your trusted look at the stories that could flare up this weekend. And if they do, we'll be there for you.

You Gotta Take The Lumpy With The Smooth
We here on the Weekend Desk would like you to know that we would never use a headline to make a crass joke at the expense of people suffering from old-world diseases. Unless we thought of it first. Now if you'll excuse us, it's time for our weekly leeching as our consumption is acting up again.

Chariots of Liars
Plausible deniability will miss its name-sake marathon after tearing a hamstring this week during a run with training partner sanctimonious blustering. Bookmakers have installed the always-dangerous imperialistic unilateralism as the overwhelming favorite for the win.

Code Shift
Dan Brown, author of The DaVinci Code, was cleared of copyright infringement charges in London this week. However, controversy still surrounds the big-screen version of Brown's wildly-successful novel. We are told by sources close to the film that star Tom Hanks will soon face a lawsuit alleging he stole the hair, eyebrows and deathly pallor of the late Bela Lugosi for his portrayal of Harvard professor Robert Langdon. We'd just like to remind Mr. Hanks what happened to the last person who tried to tangle with Lugosi.

Frankly, My Dear Cheeseheads . . .
. . . We don't give a damn if Brett Favre turns over a new leaf this weekend or if he decides to run back to football for one more year. But for the sake of our devoted readers, we have a correspondent stationed outside the Favre manse in Mississippi ready to intercept any communications that might be forthcoming. Should Favre toss away his Hall-of-Fame career, you'll be the first to know.