The Weekend Desk Report

Your weekly chronicle of global lying, spying and detainee flying.

What's Dunn is Dunn
The House of Representatives this week took aim at the corporate practice of "pretexting," stating unequivocally that such behavior is completely unacceptable for anyone who isn't the President of the United States.

The Thais that Bind
The U.S. government also acted this week to levy sanctions against Thailand in the wake of a recent coup. The State Department stressed that deposing an elected leader through military force is completely unacceptable for anyone who isn't the President of the United States.

Stan and Deliver
Meanwhile, President Bush hosted the world's most awkward dinner party this week, as Pakistan and Afghanistan prepare to enter the divvying-up friends phase of their ugly divorce. Aides have confirmed the situation has become so unbearable that Bush is looking to ditch them both in favor of the more emotionally-stable Kazakhstan. Hey, it may have its baggage, but at least we know it's not sleeping with the enemy.

Use Your Delusion I
Meanwhile, Al-Qaeda second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahiri continued his campaign of relentless shit-talking, offering to throw down with everyone from Bush to the United Freaking Nations. For his part, the president indicated he is willing and, now, able to cut a bitch.

Use Your Delusion II
Finally, Bush had withering words for anyone who opposed his new hard-core attitude, saying, "you don't create terrorism by fighting terrorism." Unless you happen to be Great Britian. Or Israel. Or Columbia, Russia, or Rajiv Gandhi. Everyone else, though, should suck it up and join the war.

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