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The Weekend Desk Report

Market Update
What's in a name? Turns out, roughly 90% of your market value. But fear not; for those of you concerned that the failure of one Big corporation will destabilize a lucrative market, the Weekend Desk Bailout Team is here to help. Instead of Legends and Leaders, how about the geographically accurate South(ish) and North(er)?

Plans Afootball
Determined to keep Monday night's Bears/Vikings game in Minnesota despite worries over the safety of the players, football's governing body has announced the game will be played in May.

Consonants!
Wait, how about Nasals and Plosives?

One Sepp Ahead
Having already raised eyebrows with his hiring practices and offended parts of his constituency, FIFA boss Sepp Blatter has announced a shock career move. He will leave his current position to run for mayor of Chicago. After all, he may have left a pocket square at Soldier Field in 1994 so he totally lives here, right?

Food Pyramid!
Oooh! How about Milk and Eggs?

Hizzemir
Observers still reeling from Mayor Daley's shock retirement need to brace themselves for his next announcement. Sources close to Hizzoner say that, with its successful promises of temporary stadiums powered by pixie dust and rampant borrowing, he is seriously considering becoming Emir of Qatar.

The Truth!
Oh yeah, this one is perfect. How about Has-beens and Also-rans?

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Programming Note
This Weekend on CAN TV: America's Empire and Chicago's Machine.

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The Beachwood Bowl Series Starts Here
Three games tonight kick off the bowl season; look for the rest of our picks next week.

Game: The New Mexico Bowl
Time: 2 p.m., ESPN
Teams: The Brigham Young Cougars vs. The University of Texas-El Paso Miners
Comment: Huh. Cougars vs. Miners.
Pick: Miners 69, Cougars 48

*

Game: The uDrove Humanitarian Bowl
Time: 5:30 p.m., ESPN
Teams: The Northern Illinois Huskies vs. The Fresno State Bulldogs
Comment: Who is Michael Vick picking?
Pick: While Fresno is actually the 5th-largest city in California (and 35th in the nation), it is not a state. Therefore, we are forced to take the Directional Creampuff.

*

Game: The R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Time: 9 p.m., ESPN
Teams: The Troy Trojans vs. The Ohio Bobcats
Comment: Tickets for the LuncheonGospel Brunch are on sale now!
Pick: Troy is a real city in Alabama but naming the program the Trojans is trying a bit too hard on several levels. At the same time, Ohio has one of the most annoying mascots of all time. Troy eeks it out on the game's final drive thanks to the wooden horse formation, a.k.a. the Woody.

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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Ribs and fibs.



Permalink

Posted on December 18, 2010


MUSIC - The Week In Chicago Rock.
TV - Vizio Settles Spying Complaints.
POLITICS - WikiLeaks Reveals Staggering Breadth Of CIA Hacking.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio: Butt Fumbles.

BOOKS - Bannon, The Best And The Brightest.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Photo Booth: Descending Darkly.


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