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The Weekend Desk Report

We'd like to take some time out from the key stories of the week to watch some frivilous military maneuvers, but as always we'll stay on high-alert for you.

Market Update
Markets reacted with guarded optimism to the latest reports of a rise in short-term stability. Analysts cautioned that, once the initial euphoria wears off, investors will realize long-term returns still look pretty fuckin' bleak.

Intergalactic Evil-Doers
Seeing his domestic surveillance program struck down once again, President Bush this week announced plans to augment the War on Terror with a new, robust War on Asteroids. This is not to be confused with the Atari classic. For what it's worth, we figure the proposed giant Earth air bag will be at least as effective as the duct-tape haz-mat barrier.

Special Dark, Indeed
Conflicting signs this week from the world of supernatural confectionary. While one group of pious sweets workers reported a miracle in their drip pan, an unsuspecting chocolatier was overcome with sticky temptation. We continue the search to uncover the true nature of the tasty treat. In the meantime, indulge with due caution.

High Art
Finally, box office analysts are breathlessly waiting to see if America is ready for another airplane disaster flick. We here at The Beachwood Reporter Weekend Desk feel confident that the film in question will become the feel-good hit of the summer. After all, a big-ass friggin' boa constrictor has got to be easier for security staff to spot than liquid explosive, a note or a complete wingnut.



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Posted on August 18, 2006


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - Cricket vs. Brexit.
POLITICS - An Odd Call From Bermuda.
SPORTS - All Is Not Forgiven, Bears.

BOOKS - Turning Points Of The Civil War.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Baxter's IV Bag Shortages.


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