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The Weekend Desk Report

The year's half over, but some of the biggest stories are only just beginning.

Market Update
Investors panicked this week as analysts projected that the unprecedented run on gold may be about to end. Sources say current demand may fade away sometime within the next year.

Half Baked
The judge presiding over the corruption case of former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich said this week he is unlikely to alter the schedule to suit the needs of the defendant. Blago confusingly responded, "I always look at it as the glass is half full." Unfortunately, Rod, when the glass is half full of taxpayers' money, not even the honest crooks get to leave early.

Half Empty
Of course, it's not hard to understand Blago's chipper attitude toward an extended family leave. It means that now our television screens will be half full of his grinning mug.

Half Assed
Emergent pop tartlet Miley Cyrus continued her simulated attempt at rebellion this week, adding simulated lesbian kissing to her established roster of simulated singing, simulated hair, simulated dancing and simulated sexual maturity. Her efforts generated little outrage, however, as more attention focused on BP's continued simulation of competence.

Half Hearted
Don't worry, though. Officials at BP have assured consumers the incomprehensibly small portion of the incomprehensively massive disaster they've managed to contain will be routed straight to the pump in time for summer driving season.

Half Dead
Finally this week, duh.

-

The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Simulate us.



Permalink

Posted on June 5, 2010


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - 24 Hours With Velocity.
POLITICS - Obscene Healthcare CEOs.
SPORTS - TrackNotes: Lazy Hazy Crazy Dog Days.

BOOKS - The Origins Of Environmental Bullshit.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Photo Booth: Chicago Daisies.


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