The Weekend Desk Report

Pro Bowl, Schmo Bowl. We all know it's Super Bore Sunday. For those of you jonesing for some real football action, we offer our annual list of suggestions for beating the January swoon.

1. Tired of all the blustering and utter phoniness of this utterly fake match-up between two almost-identical rivals? Then maybe it's time to pick a third-party option.

2. Spoil everyone else's fun. It'll make for some really awkward moments, but that's sort of what it's all about.

[Editor's note: We'd just like to point out, for all those who may doubt the Weekend Desk prognostication systems, that we went three-for-three with our brazen prediction of the ultimate corporate crossover.]

3. Hunt for a job. In this economy, even temp work is better than nothing.

4. Ruminate on the end of a golden age. After all, the world's most glamorous troika could tear itself apart at any time.

5. Lurch clumsily out of obscurity. And then, hopefully, lurch right back in.

6. Show your true colors. Particularly if they happen to be bright red.

7. Just give up.