Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
Beachwood Bookmarks
K-Tel Classics
WKRP in Cincinnati
So You've Decided To Be Evil
St. Paul Saints
Nye's Polonaise Room
The Arcata Eye
Roadside USA
This Day In . . .
Onion History
Weird Al History
Baseball History
Beachwood History
History History
Spy Magazine History
#OnThisDate History
Under Suspicion
Find Your Towed Car
Cable TV Complaints
Freedom of Information
The Expired Meter
The Mob & Friends
Stolen Bike Registry
O'Hare Music Tracker
Report Corruption (city)
Report Corruption (state)
Scoundrels, State
Scoundrels, Federal
The Odds
Random Flight Tracker
Casting Calls
Cosmic Log
Buy Stamps
Beachwood Blogroll
A Handy List
Beachwood Ethics Statement
How We Roll
Today's Horoscope
Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
Now Playing
Psychodrama/Marshall Law
Letters to the Editors
Tip Line
"The Papers" archive
Beachwood Link Buttons
Media Kit/Advertising

The Weekend Desk Report

By The Beachwood Nobel Nomination Affairs Desk

The Weekend Desk Report will not appear this weekend, what with our very own Weekend Desk Editor Natasha Julius celebrating the success of her greatest prank yet. And to think the rest of us here at Beachwood HQ thought the Nobel Peace Prize committee would never fall for her Barack Obama nomination. After all, it was written in crayon. Oh well.

The Beachwood will return on Monday.

The [Friday] Papers
I'm stunned by the Nobel Prize news too.


But seriously, I'm fairly certain that Barack Obama himself thinks this is a crock. He may be a phony, but he's not a dummy.


I'm reminded of Obama's statement to frenzied reporters upon his seating in the United States Senate: "I'll let you know when I actually do something."


Why do stories about Obama's position on gay rights always omit his own statements about opposing gay marriage because of his religious beliefs?


This just in: Lou Piniella named 2010 NL Manager of the Year by Nobel committee. Voters cite Piniella's hopes, dreams and promises for next year's Cubs as being sufficient.


The Sun-Times says on its front page today that with new owner Jim Tyree aboard, "We will continue to fight for Chicago."

As opposed to against it?

And against who? Milwaukee?


This just in: I just won the Nobel Prize for Medicine because I really, really, really promise to cure cancer before the end of my term.


Maybe Tyree will invest in extension classes for his reporters and editors because, well, they need them. For example, we turn once again to our Journalism 101 textbook to instruct the Sun-Times on how to cope with simple statistics. In this case, the paper has listed how many sworn police officers the city has had in six other years as well as this one (13,500 this year; 13,366 ten years ago, etc.)

Of course, this infographic is complete without meaning. Why? Because it fails to break those numbers down to a per capita rate.

If the city has grown significantly in 10 years but has the same number of police officers, that's a bad mark against the city.

But if the city has lost population in 10 years but has the same number of police officers, well, then good for us!

It's not hard, folks. Get it together.


Also, according to the Sun-Times, the city will use federal stimulus funds to pay overtime to 44 police officers whose shifts will be extended to cover the end of the school day.

That's a fine idea, but is that really proper use of stimulus funds? Were those delivered in block grants or something? Because that doesn't sound, um, appropriate, to me.



"With $60 million in federal stimulus grant money, Mr. Huberman's plan uses a formula gleaned from an analysis of more than 500 students who were shot over the last several years to predict the characteristics of potential future victims, including when and where they might be attacked. While other big city school districts, including New York, have tried to focus security efforts on preventing violence, this plan would go further by identifying the most vulnerable students and saturating them with adult attention, including giving each of them a paid job and a local advocate who would be on call for support 24 hours a day."

I thought stimulus money was supposed to be used to, you know, stimulate the economy, mostly by creating jobs. Whatever happened to that big public works program we were promised?


Turns out, as I and others have been saying, that the stimulus plan is really a re-election plan.

If a Republican president pulled this, liberals would be livid.

People's lives are at stake.


Let's take up a collection and buy Dorothy Brown a new copy of Ethics for Dummies.


Emil Jones is back - and still up to no good.


"Chicago police have stressed Derrion's death was not gang-related," the Sun-Times reports. "He was killed in a brawl between students from Altgeld and a neighborhood closer to Fenger."

A neighborhood apparently without a name.


Now, I'm aware of the discussion about neighborhood rivalries, and how I've been writing about gang territory and, essentially, conflating the two. I've been reading accounts both ways regarding Derrion Albert. But when we talk about youth violence in the city, we're talking about gangs. That's the structural issue.

I hope to write something further about this next week.

For now, though, I give you: The Mayor's Got Boundary Issues.


Doing Mad Men. Watch them all. Trust me.


What the Bears did on their bye week. In The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report. This is funny. Trust me.


Our man on the rail is always a joy to read.


20 Tweets: Bill Rancic.


Here's what CHANGE Illinois! wants you to know.


(I didn't, but if you did you should be aware of this resource.)


The Beachwood Tip Line: Just like love.


Posted on October 10, 2009

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!