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The Weekend Desk Report

By Natasha Julius

We'll keep working while you take a long weekend to consider the evidence.

Market Update
It was a tough week on the Parenting exchange, as Fathers suffered an historic collapse. Analysts took heart that, despite a disappointing showing, Mothers managed to exceed the Street's rather modest expectations.

Change Watch
The big news in the world of Change: Hillary Clinton has officially run out of close relations eligible to rub elbows with widely reviled global figures. After all, Chelsea is way too busy running damage control.

In a shocking coup sure to resonate across the globe, Angelina Jolie has joined forces with Rachel Ray and Joe Jonas to seize control of the remote island nation of Madagascar. Observers note that Rachel Ray has long shown terrorist tendencies while Joe Jonas draws on the fortitude shown during his own Swift boat campaign. Details are still emerging, but it appears Rajoelina is poised to formally adopt the leadership role this weekend.

Dog Day Afternoon
Finally this week, Michael Vick will get a second chance at an NFL career after signing with the Philadelphia Eagles. Stressing the importance of Vick's off-field change of behavior, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said he is also open to the idea of reinstating Squeaky Fromme. "I mean, it's been, what, like twenty years since she tried to contact the guy? That's a lot of water under the bridge." Following the retirement of Morten Andersen, Fromme is thought to be a viable back-up place kicker.


Posted on August 15, 2009

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike Settled.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Come On, Vic!

BOOKS - Chicago Book Haul: The Dial.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: West Town Blues.

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