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The Weekend Desk Report

By Natasha Julius

We got this report out in record time. But trust us, you don't want to see the Weekend Desk break room right now.

Market Update
In more welcome signs of economic recovery, it appears Gullible Consumers and Dangling Cash have exceeded analysts' expectations.

Sins of the Blagger
As the primary author of Illinois' historical budget crisis prepares to count his own cash, his replacement has started cutting costs. But hey, at least Pat Quinn has the decency to look like absolute hell while doing it.

Tide and Team
It's been a splashy season for Chicago's sports teams, with many fans questioning the value of several blockbuster moves. Now that the dust has settled, the Weekend Desk sports department is ready to announce its findings. It appears the White Sox have gotten Peavish, the Bears have been Cuttled, and the Blackhawks just got Hosed.

Bumps and Lumps
Ever-respectful clothing company London Fog has reportedly airbrushed Gisele Bundchen's pregnant belly to safe-guard the model's privacy. Company spokespeople confirmed, however, they're happy to keep her pregnant tits.

Holiday in the Sun
Finally this week, if your plans for a memorable hiking vacation have been scotched by bureaucratic snafus, don't fret. There are plenty of other high-impact destinations available.


Posted on August 1, 2009

MUSIC - Millions Of New Guitar Players.
TV - "One America News" is AT&T.
POLITICS - When Wall Street Came To My Mobile Home Park.
SPORTS - Tonyball, Bears On The Run, Eyes On The Sky & More!

BOOKS - China Holding Swedish Publisher.


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