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The Weekend Desk Report

We'll be watching, even if there is an hour less to watch this week.

Market Update
Following President Obama's lead, we have decided to rename this segment "Change Watch." By the way, the president might want to check his own portfolio, because Change seems to have been somewhat overvalued and Hope is positively in the shitter.

Resentment Reset
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton this week attempted literally to hit the Reset button on relations with Russia, which notoriously tanked after that whole war thing. Although the Reset button has a finite number of uses, State Department sources indicate Clinton is already considering other deployments. Topping her list so far are:

1. That whole war thing
2. African supply trucks
3. The lettering on the Reset button, because goodness knows we've all Overcharged enough
4. The whole concept of a "reset" button. It's just making things way too easy for her critics.

Manning the Census
Look, we're just saying if you're worried about shifting political landscapes, nobody's better at sharing the wealth than this guy.

March Badness
We're still a week removed from Selection Sunday, but the field is beginning to take shape. Despite recent defeats, Financiers top seed Bernie Madoff still looks to be the overall favorite. Meanwhile, we're projecting Jody Weis as a dangerous mid-bracket floater in the Weasels section.

Finally this week, it looks like Uncle Dick wasn't just blowing smoke after all. International criminal elements really are still out to get us.

* The Five Dumbest Ideas of the Week. And who had them.

* Fantasy Fix: Get Shaq. Plus, the sleeper Cub and the sleeper Sock in your baseball draft.

* Track Notes: The Harlem Ave. Exit. Introducing the Reality Show Alert system.

Ferdy Film Frenzy
Take an immature, completely self-absorbed, wannabe rock musician. Put him with a geeky, self-absorbed, wannabe novelist. Throw in a cute, wannabe performance artist who has just broken up with the rock musician poseur to take up with a self-styled guru journalist, and shake with a lot of jealousy. What do you get? One of the funniest movies about hipster and media culture to hit screens in a long time. is absolutely, absurdly hilarious!

Posted on March 7, 2009

MUSIC - A Plan To Pay Musicians.
TV - Jonathan Pie: Back To School.
POLITICS - 5 Things An Angry Old White Man Wants To Say.
SPORTS - Triple Crown Tomato.

BOOKS - How The Post Office United America.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Premature Ejaculation Market Exploding Quickly.

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