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Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
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Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
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The Weekend Desk Report

The Weekend Desk: cheerful, earnest, cooperative, frank and honest. We ask for your prayers at this trying time.

Market Update
Finally, some good news out of Iceland. Sure, inflation is skyrocketing and they're about to be strong-armed into the EU. However, early reports indicate the island nation is about to overtake the United States in the highly-competitive Progressive Government Leader index.

Ushering a new era of wide-eyed optimism, the McCormick Foundation this week announced it will liberate the Freedom Museum from Tribune Tower. Representatives note this will allow greater freedom and mobility to broadcast its free speech message. Tribune Company executives responded by saying they hope to liberate a good many more employees in similar fashion.

Economy of Scale
Loud-mouthed private citizen Rod Blagojevich this week declared he is like thousands of other Americans who have lost their job, ready to get back to basics and rebuild his life. However, unlike these other Americans, Blajo's sudden joblessness has actually improved the regional economy considerably.

Head of Class
Mayor Daley this week reassigned Boy Wonder, placing him atop the nation's third largest public school system. CEO Huberman wasted little time in outlining the following policy objectives:

1. Prompt elimination of cheating zones.
2. Expanded Bully Tracker so nerds will know exactly when their next atomic wedgie will arrive.
3. He'll stay in the job "longer than it takes to get to O'Hare on the Blue Line."
4. Everyone gets a pony.

Who's the Boss?
Finally this week, we'd be remiss if we didn't mention the Big Game on Sunday. Join the Beachwood Bracket now, if you dare . . .


Posted on January 31, 2009

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike Settled.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Come On, Vic!

BOOKS - Chicago Book Haul: The Dial.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: West Town Blues.

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