Chicago - Oct. 15, 2018
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
Beachwood Bookmarks
K-Tel Classics
WKRP in Cincinnati
So You've Decided To Be Evil
St. Paul Saints
Nye's Polonaise Room
The Arcata Eye
Roadside USA
This Day In . . .
Onion History
Weird Al History
Baseball History
Beachwood History
History History
Spy Magazine History
#OnThisDate History
Under Suspicion
Find Your Towed Car
Cable TV Complaints
Freedom of Information
The Expired Meter
The Mob & Friends
Stolen Bike Registry
O'Hare Music Tracker
Report Corruption (city)
Report Corruption (state)
Scoundrels, State
Scoundrels, Federal
The Odds
Random Flight Tracker
Casting Calls
Cosmic Log
Buy Stamps
Beachwood Blogroll
A Handy List
Beachwood Ethics Statement
How We Roll
Today's Horoscope
Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
Now Playing
Psychodrama/Marshall Law
Letters to the Editors
Tip Line
"The Papers" archive
Beachwood Link Buttons
Media Kit/Advertising

The Weekend Desk Report

We here at the Weekend Desk feel that the process of writing our reports has become fundamentally unfair. There's never enough time to prepare before some public figure does something incredibly stupid and makes us look incompetent for writing jokes that were funny five minutes earlier. Therefore, until the weasels of the world begin to behave in a predictably satire-worthy fashion we have no choice but to resign effective immediately.

Market Update
Turns out most of the Weekend Desk 401k was invested in Shameless Grandstanding and Deflection, both of which have recorded miserable first-quarter earnings in the face of strong competition from Tightening Noose and perennial blue-chip earner Guilt by Association. So, uh, looks like we'll be back at work after all.

Presidential Haze
The most exclusive fraternity on campus this week was buzzing as incoming pledge Barack Obama declared his chief Hell Week antagonist a "good guy." Here's the thing, Barack: You got in. You don't have to pretend you're cool with him psyching you out, forging bad checks in your name, or bullying the neighbors anymore. Besides, aren't you supposed to be against hazing?

Thanks for Nothing
Observers of the incoming president note his favorable attitude toward his predecessor may be a sign of gratitude. After all, President Bush did fix the Middle East, just like he promised.

Acid Tab
Finally this week, Chicago has ranked third in a survey of most-caffeinated American cities. This news comes on the heels of a report indicating that over-consumption of coffee may cause hallucinations. Observers say this may explain why otherwise sane and cogent people may begin seeing two completely different versions of the same old rag.


Posted on January 17, 2009

MUSIC - Lyric Opera Strike Settled.
POLITICS - USA Today's Op-Ed Disaster.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Come On, Vic!

BOOKS - Chicago Book Haul: The Dial.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Chicagoetry: West Town Blues.

Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!

Ask Me Anything!