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The Weekend Desk Report

While you're busy having your life blood sucked by some movie or bank or whatever, we'll be watching the news.

Market Update
With growing anxiety surrounding next week's Black Friday, analysts are predicting possible record consumption of Hollow Gestures and Too Little Too Late.

Change. Ish.
Meanwhile, markets soared Friday on news that Barack Obama will name his economic team on Monday. Heading the group as Treasury Secretary will be Timothy Geithner, who differs sharply from his predecessor Henry Paulson in the key area of Head Hair. This ideological contrast is said to bolster Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's stance that he is not going bald.

In related news, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's hair continues to be rocked by the system it set out to change.

Blameless Game
As Inauguration Day approached, sources close to President Bush say he is ready to pardon just about everyone who applies for clemency under his watch, even the total sleazebags. These sources stress, however, that "pardon" in this case may in fact mean "kill."

Tidy Split?
Efforts at reconciliation have broken down between Tibet and China, with observers now saying the best the Dalai Lama can hope for is a "quickie Madonna/Guy Ritchie thing." Still, sources close to the pair predict any bid for independence by the Himalayan region will be more Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen.

And finally this week, duh.


Posted on November 22, 2008

MUSIC - Who's Next In Chicago Rap.
TV - Tribune-Nexstar Deal Is Bad News.
POLITICS - Big Soda Hates You.
SPORTS - Harold vs. the Haters.

BOOKS - Wright Brothers, Wrong Story!

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Go Ahead, Eat Raw Cookie Dough!

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