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The Weekend Desk Report

We'll be watching the news this weekend. You just do whatever you need to do to get up for church on Sunday.

Market Update
Annoyed that bailouts of several big-name financial institutions have failed to solve America's lending crisis, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has turned petulant. "No way am I sticking my neck out for LAME-an Brothers," he declared. "And Wa-POO can sit and spin for all I care too."

Dirty Campaigning
In a brazen attempt to sabotage its chief rival in this year's Prom Queen election, the United States has taken the extraordinary step of having them and their friends expelled from school. Not surprisingly, the ousted parties' cause has now been embraced by this year's breakaway leader for Prom King.

Combust Tracker
Following positive response to its Bus Tracker system, the CTA has announced alerts that will now tell you not only how long you have to wait but also whether your driver will cut a bitch. A CTA spokesperson notes that such an option might be available on the agency's Train Tracker system in the very near future.

Glorious Returns
Britney Spears this week scored a resounding triumph on the world stage despite reports she may not be the picture of health her handlers would like us to believe. Meanwhile, Iraq appears poised to walk down the aisle with Syria in what Bush administration officials could only term "an unholy union."

Critical Flogging
Finally this week, it appears the crowded industry of film review has turned cutthroat, progressing from "thumbs up/thumbs down" to "slap up/slap around." Critics be warned.



Permalink

Posted on September 13, 2008


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - Can Anyone Stop Sinclair?
POLITICS - Hundreds Turn Selves In For Toppling Statue.
SPORTS - Bears Psychosis Grips City.

BOOKS - How Subversive Artists Made Thrifting Cool.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Photo Booth: Cloudy Gate.


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