The Weekend Desk Report

We'll be keeping a watchful eye on Hanna this weekend. We never really bought that sweet and innocent act anyway.

Market Update
Staying the Course looks set to end its long rally in the near future. Experts point out that, under current market conditions, there soon may not be much course left to stay anyway.

World Wide Webb
Having successfully packed another guilty public servant off to jail this week, Chicago's very own superlawyer Dan Webb will be looking for more high-profile clients. While there are certainly candidates close to home, the Weekend Desk has learned Webb plans to look farther afield. The smart money is on crusty Alaskan senator Ted Stevens. Experts say word of Webb's appalling track record may not have untangled itself from the senator's tubes just yet.

Back in the Fold
There is reason for optimism this week as the West cautiously reaches out to a once-notorious terrorist force. Experts say international pressure has cowed the always-flamboyant former antagonist, although skeptics warn the abrupt change of heart is hardly genuine.

Unfolding Drama
Meanwhile, one of America's recent international success stories looks set to cause embarrassment yet again as observers wonder if she's been rushed back into the spotlight too quickly.

Bear Down
Finally this week, we'd be remiss if we didn't mention the start of another Bearish season in Chicago. We've crunched the numbers and determined that this year's championship will come down to a contest between Walkouts and Buyouts. So in short, no one wins.