The Weekend Desk Report

This is no time for us to take a vacation. Not when the next Glorious Leader has just been born.

Market Update
Chicago seems to be more Bullish on Gators - no matter how potentially annoying they are - than on Wildcats. Tigers futures therefore have a slight edge over other felines.

Illinois High
It's Graduation Week, so extracurriculars are under close examination among the seniors at the state's biggest high school. The Debating Society is furious with team captain Richard Daley, accusing him of using them to pad his college applications. Meanwhile, Governor Rod is officially off the cheerleading squad.

High Threat-Count Sheets
Counter-terrorism experts say they have uncovered a motive behind England's recently-thwarted dirty bomb attack. The plotters apparently saw little hope for improvement of their living conditions.

Euro 2008
Two quarterfinals will be contested this weekend in the Euro 2008 tournament, and it's time for the Weekend Desk picks. The Netherlands have had a good run, but Russia has ways of beating down the opposition. On the other side of the bracket, Spain hasn't been too successful launching coups recently, while Italy has learned to stick to its guns.

Learning Curves
You know how U.S. students are always lagging behind their global peers in important subjects like Math and Science? Well, as we say at the Weekend Desk, duh.