The Weekend Desk Report

Once again, the Weekend Desk will be fully staffed to monitor breaking events important to your life. And important events breaking your life. These developments are already on our weekend radar.

Market Update
Securities markets weren't sure how to react to the news that the U.S. military had liquidated a major insurgent holding. As other big corporations can tell you, investors don't always respond well to such volatility.

World Cup Sock 'Em
In the grand tradition of dealing with jobs Americans don't really want to do, the U.S. is apparently hoping a bunch of Mexicans will kick Iran's ass for us. No word yet on any need to clobber Angola or Portugal.

As The Uranium Churns
During our last session, the United States finally seemed to understand how desperate Iran was for affection when Iran threatened to withhold all its energy in the bedroom. It even seemed for a time that the US was willing to take Iran back and work on rebuilding their relationship. That trust was shattered, however, when Iran was caught sneaking around and proliferating on the side again. Tread lightly, Iran, for hell hath no fury like a global superpower scorned.

Repetition Is The Mother Of Invention
Apparently, those of us who thought a plurality of voices and experience was what bred innovation were wrong. According to Tom DeLay, the really great leaps forward come from sitting around with the same people, day in, day out, for years, having exactly the same debates. And hey, it burns calories too! If this approach to innovation catches on, we predict great things for every American industry.

Sonic Youth
We here at Weekend Desk have refrained from the sort of youth bashing our peers in print media seem to constantly engage in. But sometimes, even we have to wonder what is this world coming to?

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