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The Weekend Desk Report

The stories we're watching for you this weekend--because someone has to.

The World Tradeball Classic Wrap-Up
In a shock to almost no one, Japan has officially won NAFTA.

Deliberating Under the Influence
Buried in the story that one of the jurors in George Ryan's corruption trial may have concealed a DUI conviction is the revelation that all 12 people on the jury hate one another already. In the interest of ending this trial in a peaceful and expedient fashion, we recommend providing a deliberation wet bar. After all, a few tall ones and the BR Weekend Desk loves all you sons of bitches.

Belarussian to Judgment
In light of this week's widely-criticized presidential poll in Belarus, we are postponing The Beachwood Reporter Fantasy Dictator Draft. To help you prepare once a new date is determined, the official freely-elected Eastern European leader board stands as follows:

Alexander Lukashenko - Not Cool
Vladimir Putin - Still Cool
Viktor Yushchenko - Allegedly Poisoned
Slobodan Milosevic - Allegedly Not Poisoned

An Exercise in Humility
We here at the BR Weekend Desk work hard to find fresh, insightful stories in the most mind-bogglingly absurd places. Sometimes, however, even we have to accept that there's not much we can do.



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Posted on March 25, 2006


MUSIC - The Weekend In Chicago Rock.
TV - Cricket vs. Brexit.
POLITICS - An Odd Call From Bermuda.
SPORTS - All Is Not Forgiven, Bears.

BOOKS - Turning Points Of The Civil War.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Baxter's IV Bag Shortages.


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