The Weekend Desk Report

We'll be locked away by ourselves as usual this weekend, bent over our computer keyboards and squinting at the screen. So just remember, if there's a tie on the door it means we're working.

Market Update
On the American Quality of Life Index, Public Land Use has seen its credit rating junked after a leadership upheaval earlier this year. In spite of this, strong growth in the second quarter has seen share prices soar. However, many analysts suspect that key investors might be driving up prices to maximize sell-offs and profit-taking.

Calling All Players
With the Fantasy Dictator League season winding to a close, this weekend sees the opening of The Beachwood Reporter's Fantasy Corruption League. To help you get your draft sheets ready, here are the latest scouting reports:

John Stroger - Allegedly Alert
Richard Daley - Allegedly Not Alert
Scooter Libby - Indicted
William Jefferson - Any Day Now
Karl Rove - What the Hell?

World Cup Shock and Awe
After last week's successful deployment of Mexican troops, the United States prepares to expand its policy of waging war on any country that dares to start with the letter "I", regardless of its domestic energy policy or status vis-a-vis the war on terror. Sadly, we predict a thinly-spread Yankee offense won't have enough fire power to take on the last of the evil-I doers.

Your Tax Dollars at Work
After a day of impassioned argument, the U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to shelve a proposal to frame a debate aimed at possibly resolving a long-standing issue. Next week, senators plan to introduce legislation which would move toward formalizing bipartisan agreement to disagree.

Diverted Diversions
The Weekend Desk staff is boycotting movies this week. Fight the power, people! Fight!

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