Chicago - Dec. 12, 2019
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Army Of Darkness
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A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)
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The [Wednesday] Papers

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Alden Global Capitalism
"In Illinois, it's legal for school employees to seclude students in a separate space - to put them in 'isolated timeout' - if the students pose a safety threat to themselves or others. Yet every school day, workers isolate children for reasons that violate the law, an investigation by the Chicago Tribune and ProPublica Illinois has found.

"Children were sent to isolation after refusing to do classwork, for swearing, for spilling milk, for throwing Legos. School employees use isolated timeout for convenience, out of frustration or as punishment, sometimes referring to it as 'serving time.'"

In related news, new Tribune major shareholder Alden Global Capital spent the day pelting reporters with Legos and dousing them in milk, just to see how much they would take.

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Chicago On Fire
"The Chicago Fire have been discussing a rebrand for several months and, based on trademark filings, that rebrand will include a new crest and a new name," the Tribune reports.

The Fire, formally the Chicago Fire Soccer Club, will switch to Chicago Fire FC - short for football club - according to applications filed with the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Major League Soccer on Nov. 15.

That name change is relatively minor for a rebrand. The crest change, however, is not.

Instead of the club's current crest - a fire department-like florian cross with a stylized "C" encircled in the middle and "CHICAGO" and "FIRE" inside the cross - the Fire's new crest is an oval with a set of three triangles divided by a line, according to the trademark application. "CHICAGO" appears at the top while "FIRE FC" appear at the bottom.

In related news, new Tribune majority shareholder Alden Global Capital set fire to its newsrooms today in order to weed out the slowest reporters.

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Food Stamp Clamp
"About 50,000 Cook County residents who receive food stamps are going to have to find jobs next year - or risk losing their benefits," the Tribune reports.

The revised estimate came amidst projections of job losses after news that Alden Global Capital announced it had become the Tribune's new majority shareholder.

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I mean, I could do this all day.

But I won't.

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My advice to those employed at Tribune newspapers is to get out now, en masse, and start your own thing. Because the fight ahead with these cretins will not be worth fighting. We've all seen the movie - and all its sequels - and it does not end well. Ever. The diminishment of the work will not be worth it. Leave the legacy behind and create the kind of company you want to work for. Pool your resources, find a couple patrons, and reinvent news the way it should have been reinvented a long time ago.

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P.S.: Today's Worst Person In Chicago - And That's Putting It Nicely.

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New on the Beachwood today . . .

Why Isn't White Castle A Fast Food Giant?
Just lucky, I guess?

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Programming Note

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ChicagoReddit

A postman in Chicago posing with heavy Christmas parcels, 1929 from r/chicago

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ChicagoGram

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ChicagoTube

Gymshorts at the Cobra last Friday night.

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BeachBook

The Final Days Of Japan's Most Incredible Arcade.

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Split-Second Photos Of Shattering Kung Fu Figurines Look Like Epic Fight Scenes.

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TweetWood
A sampling of the (non-impeachment) delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport. You'll have to go right to the source for the impeachment tweets.

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The Beachwood Tip Of The Spear Line: Vanguard's hard.



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Posted on November 20, 2019


MUSIC - Beat Boxing Inuits.
TV - Commercials Only.
POLITICS - Illinois' C-.
SPORTS - The Ex-Cub Factor.

BOOKS - Earth At Night.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Gift Guide: Vintage Trinkets & Treasures.


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