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The [Wednesday] Papers

For completists, there was no column on Tuesday, because it was Day 2 of Doing Taxes. Today is Day 3.

Of course, so much of Doing Taxes is not the actual taxes part, it's the set-up and infrastructure. Ready to print out the forms you need? Great! Uh-oh, the printer is out of paper.

Now, there's a ton of paper around here because I live in an art studio. All kinds of funky paper. But paper that the IRS will accept, i.e., standard white 8 X 11 without holes or unicorns or embossed revolutionary slogans? That's a different story.

Fortunately, I have my own secret stash. Unfortunately, I have no idea where it is, and even if found, I would need the Navy SEALS to extract it. Looks like I'm off to Walgreens!


Back from Walgreens and, whew, is it hot out there. I hate summer! Fall all year 'round is the life for me. Anyway, got the fan pointed right at me and now the printer is full of nice, beautiful paper from a nice, beautiful sheaf, because I just wanted to say sheaf. Print!

Oops, looks like this printer needs a new ink cartridge. Again, call in the Navy SEALS. But wait! I have a printer socked away in that one closet by the kitchen and I bet it still has ink cartridges in it! Now I'm the Navy SEAL, maneuvering this thing out of its place in that closet where, for all I know and by all appearances, it is holding the entire building up. Oh well, worth it.

Extracted! Building still standing. And sure enough, cartridges! I don't remember them being so hard to remove, and now there's ink all over my fingers, but cartridges!

Now that I've got the cartridges out of that printer, I need to put the cartridges in this partridges. But how? Oh, I see. Behind that door with the tape job that keeps it in place so the printer continues to work properly instead of shut down because the door (flap?) is loose. And I am not going to violate the integrity of that tape job, which I sense from the look of it my roommate spent hours applying to get just right. And for all I know these cartridges don't even work in that printer. (Spoiler: they don't.)

Now, who has a printer I can use? The clock is ticking! My taxes are due on the 15th, but I need to send out a particular form to my one (of two) remaining investor before then. And it comes to me: I can send a print job to the local UPS store. Yay, local UPS store! They will even deliver, but even I'm not that lazy, though if they brought lunch with them they might have a deal.

So I send them my print job, go pick up my print job, and now I'm ready to Do My Taxes. But wait. This form looks weird. WTF? What did Trump do to the 1040? Oh christ, the 1040 has been redesigned and part of it is now a different form altogether and I need that form, which means another print job and another trip to the UPS store to pick it up, and boy am I hungry. Idea: UPS should also be United Pizza Store. Pizza and parcels! Delivered.

Okay, now I'm ready. Ready to do some math. This year I swear I'm going to be more careful about how I carry losses forward (I'm an S Corp), because I'm almost out of losses to carry and I think I've carried more losses forward in previous years than necessary. What I don't count on is how that will negatively impact my state taxes. Dammit! C'mon, Pritzker!

There must be an optimal solution, but do I have the patience to work out what it is? I do not. But I will spend part of today reviewing the matter because I'm already incensed that I'm paying more in taxes than Amazon and a bunch of billionaires, and boo hoo, somebody's gotta pay for society, you jackwagons. Maybe it should be those who manipulate and destroy it to their advantage.

See also: Richest Could Lose Hundreds Of Billions Under Warren's Wealth Tax.

First, this article is about the 15 richest Americans. Must be nice to be catered to so! Let me tell you something, you could cut the richest Americans' treasures by 90 percent and they wouldn't notice anything missing, that's how rich they are. Maybe that's a reality TV show! See how long producers can whittle away at their fortune until they notice something missing. "Honey, I swear I had 495 cars but today I only count 494! Maybe I left it at our 12th house, or do we only have 11, because one seems to be missing . . . "

Also, this is certainly one way to frame an article - and I realize it's based on an academic paper that framed the question this way - but another way to frame it would be: "Richest Would Finally Pay Their Fair Share Under Warren's Tax Plan."

The media's insistence on framing everything through the prism of the wealthiest and most powerful in our society has been hugely damaging to our political discourse, to say the least. The media is hugely complicit in life-and-death inequities.

Anyway, maybe next year I'll hire a lobbyist to find a clever way to exempt me from taxes. Or I'll find a way to become a walking TIF district. I'm blight in motion, people!

Opportunity Zones? Didn't we used to call those Enterprise Zones? All I know is, they don't work.

And bam, here it is:

"President Trump has portrayed America's cities as wastelands, ravaged by crime and homelessness, infested by rats," the New York Times reports.

"But the Trump administration's signature plan to lift them - a multibillion-dollar tax break that is supposed to help low-income areas - has fueled a wave of developments financed by and built for the wealthiest Americans.

"Among the early beneficiaries of the tax incentive are billionaire financiers like Leon Cooperman and business magnates like Sidney Kohl - and Mr. Trump's family members and advisers."

The point of those schemes is never to help the poor. Or, rather, the rich find a way to turn everything to their advantage, including helping the poor, as long as the poor are never actually helped.


At least I have the Cubs to fall back on. Not. Has any team ever had more "worst" losses in a season?

It's like getting broken up with over and over by the same person. "I get it, you don't like me anymore! You don't have to keep explaining!"


Okay, I'm gonna get some 7-11 coffee (paging Fred Klonsky, who is utterly disbelieving that I consume 7-11 coffee in a neighborhood - Logan Square - so suffused with coffee shops that you can get a coffee contact high just walking down the street, but I like 7-11 coffee, and the coffee "bar" there has all kinds of neat fixins, including little marshmallows) and Finish My Taxes. And then I'll have to go back to the UPS store to make copies for my records, and then go to the post office to mail the originals to the good IRS folks of Cincinnati, because that's where my taxes go for some reason, so there's a lot more left that can go wrong.

And then my brother and his wife arrive in town for the weekend. "Hey, there's a great place for coffee down on the corner . . . it's called '7-11.' Get me a large French Vanilla, and two French Vanilla creamers, which I use to make it more French Vanilla-y. And throw some sprinkles in there. I bet you don't get coffee like this in Minnesota!"

Also, this. Mmmm, liquid candied crack . . .

But I'm not talking about French Vanilla coffee that comes out of a machine - though, god, I wish I was! - but French Vanilla coffee made in an actual pot and brewed right there in front of you, in a pot with a label on its handle that says "French Vanilla" on it.

And it is coffee.


New on the Beachwood . . .

Failed Mayor Rahm Emanuel Yuks It Up With Failed Governor Chris Christie On ABC's Expert Panel
Wanting to deny people health care is hilarious.


Reminder: Rahm is a banker now. He could've done anything in his post-mayoral life. He doesn't need more money. He decided to make more money. That tells you everything you need to know about his core being. He wants to be something (a man of wealth and influence), not do something (solve problems and help people when it's not just a coincidental byproduct of his politics).

What these people do in their post-political careers matters for what it tells us about them. (Paging Jimmy Carter.) My favorite example is former state treasurer Alexi Giannoulias, who campaigned for the U.S. Senate on behalf of the middle class, but upon losing went to work in wealth management - managing wealth for the wealthy.

Then there are the Daleys. They love the city so much! But after leaving City Hall, Richard M. Daley went to work investing in Russia and sitting on boards of companies like Coke. So much for rebuilding souls.

And Bill, who just spent months telling us how much he cares about the city and everything he was gonna do for us?

"Bill Daley," the Tribune recently noted, "has joined the Bank of New York Mellon as a top executive and moved to Manhattan.

"Daley told the Tribune he won't sell his Chicago home and plans to return to the city. In the meantime, he has rented a place in New York, where he'll spend 'the vast majority' of his time."

I wonder where he'll pay his taxes.


Global Sexual Lubricant Market On Fire
"The penetration of sexual lubricants in North America is high, and the market revenue has been increasing steadily."


Positive Coaching, Align!
Founder of youth sports organization passes torch.



ELI5: What are the economics of a tiny and inexpensive 2 floor motel (The Ohio House) occupying the corner of the Ohio and Lasalle? from r/chicago



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Chicago ball.

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Adam Ant at the Vic on Saturday night.

That music's lost its taste so try another flavor . . .

My favorite version of this song, though, is by the Blue Ribbon Glee Club - especially the part that has (I'm pretty sure) kazoos. I'm not certain because I'm usually in the next room listening when they practice at my house every Monday night. But it sounds like kazoos - or them imitating kazoos. Anyway, here's some other fine selections of theirs that I highly recommend.



For Years, Willie Wright Has Terrorized Women In Andersonville, Victims Say. What Will It Take To Stop Him?


A Trump Family Must-Read.


'Someone's Gotta Tell the Freakin' Truth': Jerry Falwell's Aides Break Their Silence.


Is Crinkle Concrete The Next Architectural Trend?


A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.




They're not getting paid the big bucks to tell you the truth. Also, don't let them go off the record. Also, they get rewarded for lying and don't care what you think. Also, stop talking to them so much.


The Beachwood Tippage Line: Tippage.


Posted on September 11, 2019

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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