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The [Wednesday] Papers

The Humboldt Park Alligator is one of those things that teeters on the brink of being so cool and something we can all get behind and so lame in the over-the-top media response that I just don't know where I land on it. I'd guess I'd say it's kind of a blast but don't smother it like you do everything. Let cool stuff breathe, people. Let it breathe. That's what the Beatles meant to say.

The big question, of course, is how did it get there. The lagoon doesn't connect to the Everglades via river, for godsake. Does it connect to anything, except maybe some pipes? And where do those pipes connect to? It didn't swim there from Lake Michigan.

Maybe somebody put it there? Dropped an alligator into the lagoon? Maybe it's been there all along, for eons, lurking. Just waiting for the right time to emerge. To warn us. Heed the gator, people! Heed the gator.

Maybe it's not a real alligator at all. Maybe it's performance art, like by that set-the-riverboats-on-fire theater group. Who's up for GatorFest?

Maybe the gator escaped from Taste of Chicago, where it was gonna be served up on a stick.

Maybe it's Rahm Emanuel, returned to his natural state.

There are a lot of possibilities, almost none of them good.

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And aren't urban alligators called alleygators?

See, this sort of thing can turn lame on a dime.

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"Richard Crowley, president of the Chicago Herpetological Society, told CNN he believes the reptile was brought to the lagoon, possibly by someone who owned it illegally (it's illegal to own an alligator in the State of Illinois)."

Behind every great mythological origin story is a crime.

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"I'm sorry, the Humboldt Park lagoon isn't zoned for gator."

"Yeah, but aldermanic privilege."

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Assignment Desk: Which pols has the gator contributed to? Who got the alligator t-shirt contract?

Remember, there are no coincidences in Chicago.

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I'm almost ashamed of those last couple of sentences. Let it breathe, Rhodes. Let it breathe. Besides, too obvious. Not great comedy.

But you know what? Monetize that gator!

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Thread.

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New on the Beachwood today . . .

The Hood CNN
How Zack Stoner documented Chicago.

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Did The U.S. Supreme Court Just Establish Christianity?
Not just a legal disgrace, but a theological one.

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Remembering Chicago Roller Derby Pioneer Jerry Seltzer
'He lived a million lives.'

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Blues Legend Paul Oscher Is A Mess
Lived and performed with Muddy Waters on the South Side.

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ChicagoReddit

Chicago on a T-Shirt from r/chicago

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ChicagoGram

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ChicagoTube

Paris fashion by the Chicago Sunday Tribune in 1932. In color, and including real leg o' mutton sleeves.

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BeachBook

UT-Austin Will Provide Free Tuition To Undergrads With Family Incomes Below $65,000.

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TweetWood
A sampling.

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It's a long list. A conceptual frame the media can't resist.

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The Beachwood McRibTipLine: Reference tone.



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Posted on July 10, 2019


MUSIC - Verböten.
TV - The Berlin Tunnel TV Wars.
POLITICS - Loyola's Predatory Lending Bill.
SPORTS - Chicago Should Miss Sam Kerr.

BOOKS - Blow Your Mind.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Exclusive! Inside That Huge New Starbucks.


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