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The [Wednesday] Papers

1. Chicago's Sexually Dimorphic Jumbo Yellow Perch.

"The run of yellow perch on the Chicago lakefront has been jumbo in more ways than one," Dale Bowman reports for the Sun-Times.

"So I asked Vic Santucci, Illinois' Lake Michigan Program manager, if targeting jumbos would impact the fishery.

"As you know, there is sexual dimorphism in yellow perch, where females tend to grow faster and reach a larger ultimate size than the males," Santucci e-mailed. "Because the largest perch in the population tend to be females, anglers targeting `jumbo' perch are probably harvesting more females than males. However, I don't believe the targeting and harvest of jumbo perch is having a negative effect on the perch population or fishery in Lake Michigan for a couple of reasons:

If you really want to know those reasons, click through. I'm good.

2. Chicago's Sexy Jumbo Rats.

"[A] study's analysis of more than 46,000 rat complaints from April 2017 to April 2018 showed that they were most concentrated in north and northwest side neighborhoods and that those were also areas with the least vacant land and the highest concentrations of home renters," the Tribune reports.

In other words, if you want to find the most rats, follow the money.

3. Rat Loses Perch.

"Ald. Willie Cochran (20th), under indictment on bribery and fraud charges, will change his plea on Wednesday," CBS2 Chicago reports.

"Federal prosecutors have accused him of demanding $1,500 from an attorney for a real estate developer seeking to fix up vacant homes in his ward, and a $3,000 cash bribe from a liquor store owner seeking to sell his business to someone who needed a city liquor license. The feds also accused Cochran of using $5,000 from a charity he ran to pay for his daughter's college tuition, and another $25,000 on casino gambling."

Cochran's annual aldermanic salary is $117,832.92, according to city records. He's completing his third term. That's a lot of scratch.


"Cochran, a three-term alderman, is not running for re-election in 2019. A former Chicago police sergeant, Cochran first was elected alderman of the 20th Ward in 2007, defeating his predecessor, Ald. Arenda Troutman, who was facing bribery charges of her own at the time. She later was convicted and sentenced to four years in prison. Another former 20th Ward alderman, Cliff Kelley, was indicted in 1986 for bribery and income tax evasion. He was convicted a year later and served 9 1/2 months in prison."

Emphasis mine. Also: Oh, 20th Ward.


Fifteen candidates have filed to replace Cochran.

AFTERNOON UPDATE: Cochran Rejects Plea Agreement.

4. Fishing Expedition.

"Lawyers for a political rival suing Mike Madigan for allegedly placing 'sham' candidates on the ballot will be allowed to inspect the powerful speaker's Southwest Side offices, a federal judge has ruled," the Sun-Times reports.

Attorneys for Jason Gonzales in October requested to "inspect, measure" and photograph the speaker and state Democratic Party chairman's political offices - a demand Madigan's lawyers called a violation of the First Amendment and "a political fishing expedition."

But Gonzales' legal team contends it's all part of showing that Madigan's line between politics and official government business is a "mirage."

It is a mirage - which means it's awfully hard to measure and photograph. Just what are they trying to capture?

"The goal is to inspect two of the speaker's Southwest Side offices - the political offices of Friends of Michael J. Madigan and the 13th Ward Democratic Organization offices - to show their 'layout,' attorneys said."

Okay, I still don't get it. Is it that the layouts are identical, which shows that both offices keep things in the exact same place for ease of continuity? Like, in each office we keep the patronage lists in the silver filing cabinet in the northwest corner by the coffee machine?

"Your honor, one of the things we're trying to demonstrate is that the articulated differentiation between the political and state functions between the Speaker and his political operations is really a mirage," Boulton told Kennelly in October.

Again, that's true, but I still don't get how the layout of the offices will show it.

"Part of it is we believe that over the year's the speaker's state and political functions have merged at the point where there's no real demarcation," Boulton told the Sun-Times.

Not helping.

Boulton said they have no interest in taking photos of employees, just the office. "It doesn't matter to us," Boulton said. "We're not going there for skullduggery."

I give up.

5. Lincoln Park Pigs.

"Chicago's most expensive listing - an opulent six-bedroom, 11-bathroom mansion with a record shattering $50 million price tag - has been pulled off the market," Curbed Chicago notes.

"The sprawling Lincoln Park property listed for sale in December 2016 with no reductions in asking price since, according to the Chicago Tribune.

"Completed in 2008 by insurance magnate Richard Parrillo and wife Michaela, the massive Burling Street residence spans eight city lots which were purchased by the couple in 2005 for $12.5 million. All told, the Parrillos invested a reported $65 million into creating the 25,000-square-foot mansion which includes ornate marble and plaster details and a driveway of gravel imported from France."

Emphasis mine.

Richard and Michaela Parrillo, you are Today's Worst People in Chicago. I'm now starting a Beachwood GoFundMe to buy your tacky mansion and knock it the fuck down, restoring the lives of eight properly-sized city lots. You can keep your French gravel.



Which beaches have public access in winter? from r/chicago





Street Fight Martial Arts.



The Mind Is A Terrifying Place, Even For Bruce Springsteen.


Remembering The Howard University Librarian Who Decolonized The Dewey Decimal System.


A sampling.




The Beachwood McRibTipLine: Saucy.


Posted on November 28, 2018

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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