The [Wednesday] Papers

1. Tribune: Video Shows Lakers' Nick Young Holding Firework That Bursts.

Is "firework" really the singular of "fireworks?" I don't like it. To me, all fireworks are fireworks - even if there is just one.

But in the interests of readers everywhere, I looked it up. The answer has something to do with ham and cheese.

2. Chicago Billionaire Funds Field Museum's New 'Antarctic Dinosaurs' Exhibit.

There were dinosaurs in the Antarctic? Did they have, like, tons of fur? Cold!

It turns out the continent was "once lush," which I assume means not so cold. It also turns out there's a much more interesting twist to the story: The funder is our old hedge fund friend Kenneth C. Griffin, the richest person in Illinois (and the 157th richest person in the world).

Griffin is a longtime political supporter of conservative causes, including the careers of Gov. Bruce Rauner and Mayor Rahm Emanuel.

So what's his interest here?

I don't know, but he has appeared in news items with both an adorable Zoe Kravitz dinosaur sweater and a Mongolian dinosaur skull in the possession of Nicolas Cage, so I suspect Griffin is a reptile.

And yes, dinosaurs were reptiles, I looked it up. So save yourself an e-mail!

3. With Signing Of Jordin Tootoo, Blackhawks Bring In A Heavy Hitter.

Please note: The grace period for headline puns based on Tootoo's name has just expired.

4. Chance the Rapper Says He's Playing Taste Of Chicago Tonight.

So am I. I'll be tasting Chicago from my apartment, also starting at 5 p.m.

5. Pfizer Sets Painkiller Marketing Code With Chicago's Opioid Police.

"The city of Chicago is set to announce the code on Wednesday."

Is it 312? I'm guessing it's 312.

6. Pat Quinn Taking His Campaign For Mayoral Term Limits To Chicago City Hall.

He's also playing Taste of Chicago tonight.

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Dude, there's an opioid code now. You don't have to do this anymore. You don't have to live in pain.

7. Hostess Bets On Twinkie As Pabst Blue Ribbon Of Junk Food.

Unless the plan is to inject the golden sponge cake with booze instead of cream filling, that's a bad bet.

8. No Mega Millions Winner; Friday Jackpot Increases To $508 million.

Now remember, Rahm, if the office pool wins the money goes to the city, not to you.

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Meanwhile, Michael Ferro toils in the basement of Tronc Tower on his lottery monetization machine.

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BeachBook

The Chinese Company Making Chicago's New "El" Cars Has Big Problems In Singapore.

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Chicago Gets A New Cultural Czar.

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McDonald's Wins EU "MacCoffee" Trademark Dispute.

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Frustrated Chicago Property Owner Giving Away This Building For Free.

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TweetWood
A sampling.

Clinton 'Extremely Careless' With E-Mail; Obama 'Extremely Careless' With Civilian Casualties https://t.co/8urZDwBmTm

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) July 6, 2016

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Republican Nominee To Succeed Barack Hussein Obama Lauds Saddam Hussein. News at 11.

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) July 6, 2016

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Wow! Players' All-Star Picks Didn't Include Any #Cubs: https://t.co/2d8HvmWzCt

— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) July 6, 2016

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The Beachwood Tronc Line: Your monetizin' eyes.

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