The [Wednesday] Papers

Rahm Emanuel is too busy focusing on Chicago's most serious issues to concern himself with staffers secretly recording conversations with reporters, but he's got time to worry about Ding Dongs in the city's vending machines.

Yup, that sounds about right.

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Mmmm, Ding Dongs . . .

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Ding Dongs: The King of Cakes.

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Hostess is on strike, btw.

See: HostessStrike.com vs. Hostess Continues Pattern Of Misinformation.

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In other words, the union argues - persuasively - that the media took the bait.

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Also: Twilight for Twinkies?

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I feel a bit of a connection to this story because I've been inside a couple Hostess plants and I've written several stories about the Twinkie including:

- Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Star

- TWINKIE: It is what it is Snack on this, oh haters of the little cream-filled sponge cakes: They are perfect, cannot be destroyed and will outlast us all.

I also went inside the Wonder Bread factory in Waterloo, Iowa, for a story (not online) when I worked at the (crappy ass) newspaper there. Let me tell you, making this stuff isn't as fun as it sounds.

See also: Pie-Eyed And Blue.

Abbate Trial
I will be weighing in, just not today. Sorry.

Jackson Saga
I will be updating the latest with wry commentary and insight, just not today. Sorry.

But the Jacksons show up in today's new installment of The Political Odds. Click through to find out what our oddsmakers think is in store for the rapidly losing power couple.

Food Truck Muck
"Accusing Mayor Rahm Emanuel of protecting restaurants at their expense, food truck owners plan to file a lawsuit Wednesday challenging key aspects of the Chicago ordinance that authorized mobile food trucks with cooking on board," the Sun-Times reports.

"The Circuit Court suit takes aim at the requirement that food trucks stay 200 feet away from stationary restaurants and that food trucks install GPS devices on board so City Hall can track their movements."

Well, that certainly seems . . . unconstitutional.

And there's no question that the food truck ordinance was written on behalf of bricks-and-mortar restaurants; it might as well have been called the Anti-Food Truck Ordinance.

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Now comes law department spokesman Roderick Drew, who is distinguishing himself of late as another in a long line of despicable mayoral spinners.

"Drew was tight-lipped about the lawsuit. He would only say that, after 'decades of debate,' the City Council 'has finally passed a commonsense ordinance that will allow this new industry to flourish and expand Chicago's great culinary offerings.'"

Maybe we need a bullshit ordinance that prevents the uttering of bullshit within 200 feet of any reporter. We could attach GPS devices to all spokespeople to ensure proper enforcement.

Next Food Network Star
Chicago casting call.

McDunn Is Done
"Cook County Judge Susan McDunn has stepped down, little more than a week after the Sun-Times detailed her bizarre appearances in federal court in which she claimed powerhouses in politics and the Chicago Roman Catholic Archdiocese were out to get her," the paper reports.

"On Friday, McDunn notified Illinois Supreme Court Chief Justice Thomas L. Kilbride and others in writing that she was leaving the bench immediately."

Good for her. She needs to work on her case full-time.

The judge told the Sun-Times in a phone interview late Tuesday afternoon that the "cruel and unwarranted persecution I've been dealing with for years" on the bench convinced her to pull the plug on her career - a job that pays $182,000 a year.

"This is too much," McDunn told the Sun-Times. "It's been constant for 20 years . . . It's too painful for me to be at the courthouse because that's where most of the persecution arises from," she said.

McDunn refused to provide specifics saying only that she's said she's been the victim of "defamation, harassment, stalking, invasion of privacy, invasion of medical records, invasion to my right to confidentiality in medical records, people scheming to make up stories and spread lies about me - and it's politically based."

But did she sound crazy?

"She said the 'persecution' began when she ran for a hotly contested judicial race - and ousted the slated Democrat."

Well, that certainly seems plausible.

"McDunn has fielded questions from the Sun-Times in recent weeks after asking federal judges twice in October to intervene in cases she believed had been secretly filed in her name.

"She told the court that she believes the mystery cases involve her and figures including former Mayor Richard M. Daley and Cook County State's Attorney Anita Alvarez as well as the archdiocese."

Uh-huh. Go on.

"I'm almost certain there is a case or more pending in this court under seal involving claims that I have - that I have against people," a tense McDunn told St. Eve.

But the case went nowhere because McDunn didn't provide enough evidence.

Well, it's not like there could be a code of silence in this town.

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But no, McDunn is McNuts.

Conspiratorial
Old investigative journalism saying: It's not a conspiracy, it's the way things work.

Which today is another way of saying the Chicago Board of Elections just exposed voter information to the public, Peoples Gas wants to hike its rates, and nobody knows where Jesse Jackson Jr. is.

The New Wild Hare vs. Wrightwood
New reggae venue too gangsta for some Lincoln Parkers.

Megatron Is No Brandon Marshall
In Fantasy Fix.

Justin Bieber's Fault
Add malaise to the list of things that aren't what they used to be. In QT.

Like A Western Avenue Along Saturn's Icy Ring
In Chicagoetry.

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The Beachwood Tip Line: Captive market.

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