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The [Wednesday] Papers

Let's take a look at the news . . .

"Behavioral Evidence For The Evolution Of Walking And Bounding Before Terrestriality In Sarcopterygian Fishes."

Or: Holy Fuck, These Fish Walk On Their Fins!

Brought to you by the good folks at the University of Chicago.

*

Speaking of evolutionary oddities, politicus dumbicus Rod Blagojevich won another month on dry land when Judge James Zagel ruled this week that he could delay reporting to prison while he tries to sell his house. In this market?

Then again, Patti is a real estate agent. What does she need him for? If Zagel really wants to get this done, he'll let Tony Rezko out for a few weeks.

*

Speaking of evolutionary oddities, Zagel, mediape asspainitis, wants the interview notes of Tribune reporter Annie Sweeney, who briefly spoke to the lying Cellini juror.

First, Zagel should order the Tribune to restore its link to their story on his demand.

Then, Zagel should order himself to do his own background checks on jurors instead of finding himself in an embarrassing situation he is only making worse by making ill-advised demands of reporters who do not work for him.

*

Speaking of evolutionary oddities, don't let the door hit you on the bunny tail on your way out.

*

Speaking of evolution . . . But didn't he just screw Brian Urlacher?

*

Speaking of screwing . . . the least they could have done is buy us dinner.

*

Speaking of going hungry . . . what does the synthetic munchies industry think about this?

*

Speaking of synthetic food . . . the Cubs would like you to have fries with that. But not for long, you can bet.

*

Speaking of things that leave a bad taste in your mouth . . . yuk.

*

Speaking of food stamps . . . "Naeil Hussein and his girlfriend, Lisa Bazian, operated what appeared to be convenience stores on the south side of Chicago. In fact they were little more than fronts where the couple rang up phony sales for food-stamp recipients looking to exchange their benefits for discounted amounts of cash. When federal investigators discovered the fraudulent scheme at one location, the pair simply obtained government authorization to accept food stamps at a different address where they continued their operation. Through a surrogate Hussein opened a third store and even attempted to qualify an ineligible restaurant."

*

Speaking of not needing food stamps . . . "Scottie Pippen claims he's been unfairly portrayed in the media as a walking financial disaster - and now he's suing every media outlet that reported he went bankrupt, claiming he hasn't been worth LESS than $40,000,000 in the last 10 years."

*

Kanye West Shows Jay-Z His Chicago.

*

Fantasy Fix: Scrambling Your NBA Draft.

*

I'll be appearing on CAN TV21 tonight to review the biggest stories of 2011. You can call in live or send us your questions via Twitter or Facebook; more information here.

-

The Beachwood Tip Line: Publicly accessible.



Permalink

Posted on December 14, 2011


MUSIC - The Week In Chicago Rock.
TV - Trump's Disastrous FCC Chair.
POLITICS - Filing: Walmart CEO Made $22.4 Million Last Year.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio: Pace Pantsed.

BOOKS - America, We Need To Talk.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Photo Booth: Bus Stop.


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