The [Wednesday] Papers

From my point of view, the universe sure picked a bad week for Blago's new trial, the Sun-Times's Pulitzer, Rahm's new appointees and everything else going on because, frankly, I'm having a hard time keeping up. As always, I have to also try to conduct business. I never really even caught up on the last election.

So I'll get to everything in due course. Today I'll have to just pick some low-hanging fruit.

1. "1-800-CHICAGO Actually A Phone Sex Line."

Which is funny because 1-800-FUCKME goes to the mayor's office.

2. "New Leadership Announced For The Chicago Transit Authority."

More like old leadership, wouldn't you say?

3. "Jesus and Late Mayor Daley Share Spotlight on Easter."

Equal billing for Jesus at last.

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Late mayor will turn water into patronage.

4. "Illinois Gov Pat Quinn Proclaims April 23 Talk Like Shakespeare Day."

Will also announce a new state estate tax.

5. "Jury Selection Begins In Blago Retrial."

Donald Trump will advise; Gary Busey a candidate.

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After all, residency in Illinois is merely an issue of intent.

6. "4-Year-Old Served Mudslide at Chicago Chili's."

No way! They serve mudslides at Chili's?

7. "Controversial Pat Quinn Appointee Lands Second State Job."

The play's the thing.

8. "Will Bill Ayers Be Allowed To Speak In Canada?"

Yes, but Barack Obama's voice will come out.

9. "Chicago Mayor-Elect To Name Deputy Mayor."

Sources have identified this man as the likely appointee.

10. Break Up Sam Fuld!

11. Save Chicago Code.

12. Hazing Freshmen.

13. The Wax Trax! Retrospectacle.

14. Bottling Windy City Wheat.

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The Beachwood Tip Line: Retrospectable.

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