The [Wednesday] Papers

I'm tied up all day so the Papers will return on Thursday.

Our sports section continues to move right along, though. Today:

* The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report, wherein Carl Mohrbacher asks:

If a train leaves Chicago bound for New York on Tuesday with 53 players in first place, each with their confidence flying at 30,000 feet and a city's expectations running a million miles per hour, how many wins will this 3-0 franchise have in 6 days?

Find the answer here.

* Fantasy Fix, wherein Dan O'Shea snubs Jay Cutler for Michael Vick.

Also, we're pleased to announce the addition of Dan's Swings Both Ways to the Beachwood family. And don't forget Agony & Ivy.

Finally, we're looking for someone to revive Devin Hester Is Ridiculous. We're even thinking about renaming it Devin Hester The Bears Are Ridiculous. If interested, inquire within.

See you tomorrow.

The [Tuesday] Papers
"There is one undefeated team left in the NFC and it is the Chicago Bears. No, seriously," writes the USA Today blog Game On! in a post titled "Eye-Opener: Is This Chicago Bears Team For Real?"

I, for one, will refuse to believe right up to the Super Bowl.

*

"I mean, it would take an extreme killjoy to point out that despite the great start, if the Bears lose to the Giants this coming Sunday evening in New Jersey, they will have the exact same record at the end of the first quarter of this season as they did last," our very own Jim "Coach" Coffman writes in SportsTuesday.

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The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report will appear on Wednesday after our boys have fully absorbed every angle - and wrung the beer out of their cells.

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Meanwhile, our very own Matt Farmer - who is a lawyer by day - brings us a true story today called I Tried To Break Into George Blanda's Car.

Now, on to the news.

Twit Fit
"If some members of the Cook County Board have their way, a little bird soon may not be telling anyone anything - at least not in the form of Twitter posts during formal board meetings," the Daily Herald reports.

"Chicago Democratic Commissioner Joseph Mario Moreno has a proposed ordinance amendment before the Rules & Administration Committee today that would ban the use of 'publicly accessible instant-messaging platforms' by commissioners, the board president and all those on the floor 'during all meetings of the board.' The proposed amendment specifically mentions "social-networking websites or like platforms," apparently aimed at Twitter and Facebook, Internet tools more and more politicians are making use of."

Here's a better idea: How 'bout we tape Joe Moreno's mouth shut? That will accomplish much more.

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Jimm Dispensa vis Facebook: "Because soon the Cook County budget deficit will have more than 140 zero's."

Price Is Not Right
"Keith Price, a Harvey resident who may have set a record by holding four elected offices at the same time, almost lost three of those positions in a single day," Phil Kadner writes for the SouthtownStar.

NYT Botch Job
"The New York Times put together a travel piece showcasing a whirlwind '36 hours in Chicago' in honor of Mayor Daley's retirement, but oops, instead of giving the assignment to their local folks at the Chicago News Cooperative, they left it in the hands of a New Yorker who just couldn't quite get things right," notes Chicagoist, which reprints the embarrassing correction the Times had to write - and notes a whopper they missed.

Egg Toss
"A Naperville man's errant egg toss at a DuPage County judge netted him a 90-day jail sentence," the Daily Herald reports.

Insiders Unite
"Illinois gubernatorial rivals Pat Quinn and Bill Brady have met twice recently to discuss their positions and their visions for the future of Illinois," AP reports. "Unfortunately for voters, both meetings took place behind closed doors for the benefit of Chicago's elite."

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You have a choice: AP looks at Rich Whitney.

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"Whitney would raise the personal income tax rate to 5 percent while protecting poorer families by offering bigger tax credits. He said homeowners also would get property tax relief through larger exemptions on their income taxes.

"He said he would also impose a financial transactions tax on speculation, such as derivatives trading. Whitney said it would feel like a 'pinprick' to the Chicago financial exchanges while generating $4 billion for the state.

"'If we can have a sales tax on food and clothing, why not have a sales tax on this big-money gambling that goes on there at those two exchanges?' he said."

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You have a choice in the U.S. Senate race, too: LeAlan Jones is running against Alexi Giannoulias and Mark Kirk. (Check out the cool graphic.)

Seriously, could he be any worse than those two? No. Could he be better? Absolutely.

Onesquare
You can now check in to the Beachwood Inn by announcing "I'm here. Get me a beer."

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And you may think you're the mayor, but Bob is the king.

If God Says He/She Loves You . . .
"If you want to know about God, you might want to talk to an atheist," the Los Angeles Times reports.

"Heresy? Perhaps. But a survey that measured Americans' knowledge of religion found that atheists and agnostics knew more, on average, than followers of most major faiths. In fact, the gaps in knowledge among some of the faithful may give new meaning to the term 'blind faith.'"

The Control State
Our Southeast Asia correspondent checks in from the archipelago, where he has finally received his police registration card.

On the other hand, not so different than Chicago . . .

How Wisconsin Saw It
"The combination of ends Julius Peppers and Mark Anderson driving blockers into the backfield and coach Mike McCarthy eschewing the running game for a spread offense spelled disaster for the Green Bay Packers Monday night," Tom Silverstein wrote in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel in a piece called "A Long Night Of Oops And Downs."

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The Archie's Reporter

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The Beachwood Tip Line: An easy A.

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