The [Wednesday] Papers

"The U.S. Supreme Court rejected former Illinois Gov. George Ryan's appeal of his federal racketeering and fraud conviction Tuesday, all but assuring the 74-year-old will serve out his 6 1/2-year federal prison sentence," AP reports.

To save time, the Court also rejected Rod Blagojevich's future appeals.

Yes, I used that line over at Division Street yesterday, but I thought it was worth repeating.

Pardon Me
Sun-Times front-page headline: "Big Jim Thompson To Bush: Let Him Go."

A) Tells president he taught Ryan everything he knows.
B) Explains he really, really needs a win.
C) To save time, asks Bush to pardon Blagojevich too.

Compounded
"The man has gone from being the governor of the state of Illinois to being a prisoner in the federal penitentiary," Thompson said. "His career is gone. His reputation is gone. His pension for the moment is gone. . . . I think everybody's interests have been served."

And the problem is what?

Bush League
"In a book due out Monday, former White House press secretary Scott McClellan offers a blistering review of the administration and concludes that his longtime boss misled the nation into an unnecessary war in Iraq," Cox News reports.

Nation would have been better served if he had just gotten a couple blowjobs instead.

The Obama Rules
"An aide to Barack Obama says the candidate misspoke on Memorial Day when he told a group of veterans that his uncle was among the American troops who liberated the Auschwitz concentration camp," the Tribune reports.

"In fact, Obama's great uncle took part in the liberation of one of the concentration camps at Buchenwald, spokesman Bill Burton said this afternoon."

Obama then declared his great uncle off-limits to media queries while surrogates tried to figure out how to blame Hillary Clinton for playing the race card.

Line Dancing
"The linchpin of the newest bribery scandal to hit the Daley administration is a member of the obscure yet ever-present and highly energetic band of City Hall characters known as 'expediters,'" the Tribune reports.

"Armed with tightly rolled blueprints and fueled by endless cups of coffee, expediters swarm the 9th floor at 121 N. LaSalle St. every business day to wade through the often arduous process of obtaining city permits for real estate developers, builders and homeowners who don't want to do it themselves."

Pro Bono Cloutis
A Cook County judge on Tuesday tossed out the conviction of a man who has already spent 14 years of a 40-year sentence for rape after DNA tests showed he did not commit the crime, the Sun-Times reports.

Jim Thompson said "I think everybody's interests have been served."

Dell Dude
"A New York judge concluded Tuesday that Dell Inc. engaged in repeated false and deceptive advertising of its promotional credit financing and warranties," AP reports.

Nation would have been better off if Dell had just gotten a few blowjobs.

Children's Choir
"I think of Ryan as guilty of all those corruption counts against him, and, most important, as the Illinois politician who squashed the investigation into the deaths of the six Willis kids, who were killed in a fiery crash by a bribe-paying, unqualified truck driver when Ryan was Illinois secretary of state," John Kass writes.

"And though I may have missed it, I don't think I ever heard Daley cry out in sympathy for those children or their parents, nor Thompson, nor Big Bill Cellini's road builders, nor Tony Pucillo's bridge repair guys, nor any of the lads who showed up at Tavern on Rush or Gibsons or Luxbar to raise a glass and bemoan the fate of poor old George."

Maybe the mayor should build a memorial to the Willis children in Grant Park instead of a Children's Museum.

The Miseducation of Stella Foster
Chicagoist adds value.

Thank You, Earle Hagen
He whistled the Andy Griffith Show theme song.

Inevitably . . .
A parrot whistling the Andy Griffith Show theme song.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Random thoughts welcome.