Chicago - Sep. 25, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (
Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12
Beachwood Bookmarks
K-Tel Classics
WKRP in Cincinnati
So You've Decided To Be Evil
St. Paul Saints
Nye's Polonaise Room
The Arcata Eye
Roadside USA
This Day In . . .
Onion History
Weird Al History
Baseball History
Beachwood History
History History
Spy Magazine History
#OnThisDate History
Under Suspicion
Find Your Towed Car
Cable TV Complaints
Freedom of Information
The Expired Meter
The Mob & Friends
Stolen Bike Registry
O'Hare Music Tracker
Report Corruption (city)
Report Corruption (state)
Scoundrels, State
Scoundrels, Federal
The Odds
Random Flight Tracker
Casting Calls
Cosmic Log
Buy Stamps
Beachwood Blogroll
A Handy List
Beachwood Ethics Statement
How We Roll
Today's Horoscope
Liberties will be taken.
Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.
Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39
Daily Affirmation
I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.
Now Playing
Psychodrama/Marshall Law
Letters to the Editors
Tip Line
"The Papers" archive
Beachwood Link Buttons
Media Kit/Advertising

The [Tuesday] Papers

"Gov. J.B. Pritzker continues defending the state's unemployment system. But the cries for help appear to be getting louder," CBS2 Chicago reports.

I can personally attest to the veracity of this report. (See also the item Illinois' Amazingly Awesome Unemployment Office.)


Also, from NBC5 Chicago:

'This Is Impossible' - The Battle To Register For Illinois Unemployment.


And, as I noted last week and reported by the Trib on Monday:

"Self-employed workers like piano teachers and web designers started applying for newly available unemployment benefits on Monday through a new state application portal, but there's a catch - first they must apply, and get rejected, for regular unemployment benefits.

"The extra step provided a fresh source of frustration for self-employed workers, who had previously been told they needed to wait to apply for benefits under the $2.2 trillion Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Security Act."

I was able to finally get through and get rejected for regular unemployment, and then apply for self-employed unemployment, but when I did that it generated a new claim number, which strikes me as potentially problematic, but what do I know?

I was also unable to upload the documents I was asked for - a photocopy of my social security card and driver's license - and had to opt for the fax option, which I don't exactly have confidence in. Yup, I faxed my social security number and driver's license information to a machine in some office somewhere hoping no one will do anything dastardly with either and that somehow it will be matched up with my application - the one with the right claim number!

Maybe that's exactly how it works, but how do I know? I guess I can make 80 phone calls today and hope to get through to someone who actually knows.

Also, the questions asked on the self-employed/gig worker form didn't make a whole lot of sense for, um, self-employed and gig worker types, so you're basically left to make the best guesses possible and hope it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass.

Finally - for now - the number that was spit out about what dollar amount of benefits I'm apparently qualified for was pitifully low. But then, I'm not Ruth's Chris or Potbelly!

(Don't even get me started on the Payroll Protection Program, which I have not applied for though I would like to. I did apply for the Economic Injury Disaster Loan, but like everyone else I know, I've heard nothing except that the SBA is processing those on a first-come, first-served basis, which almost certainly only applies to those of us least likely to be served.)


You know what I would prefer out of Pritzker? Something like this:

"Look, I know the situation is a mess. It's gotta be unbelievably frustrating. Unfortunately, like many states, we were left with a screwed-up system and totally unprepared for a disaster of this magnitude. And it certainly isn't just Illinois; states all over the country are having this problem, so it's not a uniquely Illinois screw-up. Nonetheless, it really sucks and all I can say is that we're doing the best we can."

That would've been fine. Instead, we're getting a lot of bullshit about how great the program is going, which plainly isn't true. I don't mind if it's raining, but don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.


The Ghosts Of Governors Past
Bruce Rauner trended on Chicago Twitter on Monday. You can click through to figure out why (he said a bunch of stupid stuff about "the cure being worse than the disease" to a local TV newser who for some reason thought his opinion was worthy.)

It reminded me of what a motley collection of governors we've had. Looking backwards from Pritzker:

Bruce Rauner: Abject failure who basically shut down the state for two years because legislators wouldn't include union-busting in the budget. Also demonstrably a serial liar.

Pat Quinn: The incompetent faux reformer ascended to the job only because in his hunger to assemble as many public offices on his resume as possible he slid into the lieutenant governor's office, and then the governorship when Rod Blagojevich was impeached and removed.

Rod Blagojevich: Gawd.

George Ryan: Also a convicted felon.

Jim Edgar: Governor No. The George H.W. Bush of Illinois, totally lacking in "the vision thing."

Jim Thompson: Governor Yes. The embodiment of The Combine.

Dan Walker: Also a convicted felon.


New on the Beachwood today . . .

What History Tells Us About COVID-19's Disastrous Impact On Black Households
Another catastrophe is what.


Michael Jordan Off The Court In The '80s And '90s
An inescapable marketing machine who really wasn't that nice.


The Labor Plays Of Manny Fried
From red-baiting to blacklisting.


The Patent Office Is "Adjusting" To A Supreme Court Ruling By Ignoring It
Which means more patent trolls.



Wouldn't allowing public drinking make sense during these times as a general measure. from r/chicago





WGN-TV Chicago Story On The Cold Cubs' Opening Day On April 9, 1982.


A sampling of the delight and disgust you can find @BeachwoodReport.




The Beachwood Q-Tip Line: We mean it, man.


Posted on May 12, 2020

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!