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The [Tuesday] Papers

There will be no Papers column today.

We do, however, offer another presentation of Mystery Debate Theater, with such classic exchanges as this:

CLINTON: You know, when I was first lady, I was privileged to represent our country in 82 countries. I have met with many officials in Arabic and Muslim countries. I have met with kings and presidents and prime ministers and sheiks and tribal leaders.

ANDREW: I've met with women kings. With sultans and sultaneers.

TIM: They have another word for it.

STEVE: I think it's sultanettes.

ANDREW (sternly): It's sultaneers.

TIM: I was thinking of a female version of king.

ANDREW: Queen?

TIM: Yeah


Cate Plys also has a new Open Letter, this one addressed to Fellow Parents Planning Birthday Parties, sampled here:

"Don't let the roiling waters of social pressure sweep you, howling and clawing at your wallet, into a sterile 'party room' somewhere, or even the restaurant at American Girl. (Although the tea is surprisingly well done at American Girl, despite the insistence on naming each item after a historical doll character such as Kaya, as if a Nez Perce American Indian girl circa 1764 would be likely to eat or serve blueberry-lemon scones with fruit preserves and Devonshire cream). The pressure is entirely in your head. The kids don't care - they just want a lot of junk food. Their parents don't care either - they just want to know what time to drop off and pick up, and whether they can fit a trip to Costco in between.

"Actually, I've found that when we host an old-fashioned backyard party and parents wander in for pick-up to see their children busy drawing with chalk or competing to see who can go the farthest on the tiny Playskool plastic 'roller coaster' we inherited from an older cousin, they often express wonder, and start treating us like we're morally superior or something. As atheists, we don't get much of that, so it's nice."


Perhaps you missed the governor's new starring role.

Or the new book revealing the Democrats' grand strategy.


And so much more: Don's Root Cellar, What I Watched Last Night, The Cub Factor, and Chicagoetry, all with new postings this week. Only in the Beachwood.

The Beachwood Tip Line: Text Beachwood.


Posted on July 24, 2007

MUSIC - Who's Next In Chicago Rap.
TV - Tribune-Nexstar Deal Is Bad News.
POLITICS - Big Soda Hates You.
SPORTS - The Ex-Cub Factor.

BOOKS - Wright Brothers, Wrong Story!

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - The Bad News About Human Nature.

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