The [Tuesday] Papers
"So the Cook County state's attorney's office appropriately increased from misdemeanor to felony the charges against two men who barged out onto the playing ground at Wrigley Field in the last month," the Sun-Times editorial page inveighs today.
"One of the men, Kevin Kleine, allegedly ran onto the field as part of a $400 bet, a stupid idea - just how stupid Kleine will soon learn. The other, Brent Kowalkoski, was barreling toward a pitcher when he was tackled by a security guard.
"Whereas a misdemeanor count would mean a fine, the charge of felony criminal trespass to a place of amusement carries the possibility of up to three years in prison."
Which would be 1,095 days more than Scooter Libby will do.
- From The [Libby] Papers, in Beachwood Politics
"The Fourth of July is the perfect day for a Parade - of the Politically Depressed. What, you've never been to a Parade of the Politically Depressed? Never reveled with comrades about engaging, avoiding, responding to, repressing, being angry about, and wanting a lot more from politics? Here's your chance! Come barbecue your depression. Marinate it in a delicious concoction of counter-politics and collectivity. Stew in alternative emotions!
"Feel Tank Chicago invites you to join us in numbness and jaw-dropping disbelief about the state of the world for the Fifth Annual International Parade of the Politically Depressed. Come help us make a political world that vibrates to a different tune. As part of Feel Tank Chicago's Pathogeographies Events."
Paraders will meet outside 400 South Peoria at 2 p.m.
No Fun Zone
Turning 7-11's into Kwik-E-Marts is ill-founded and Springfield, Illinois shouldn't vie to be the Simpsons Springfield. Teenagers shouldn't drive. No whoopin' and hollerin' at high school graduations. "Crush on Obama" is" not worth the time it takes to find it on YouTube." (as if!) No fireworks. Rod Beck is dead - and buried deep inside the sports section.
Talk about Buzzkill Central. Don't invite these folks to a party.
But then, this is the paper that no longer has its own editorial cartoonist, no longer has a political gossip column, no longer has Steve Rosenbloom's "Hit & Run," no longer has a Tempo columnist, no longer has David Greising's business column, no longer has Bernie Lincicome, no longer has a real Books section, has a terrible Sunday magazine, forgoes covering aldermanic races, buries "Tales From the Front" while in recent years adding Ask Amy, Jonah Goldberg and Dennis Byrne to its illustrious roster of kick-ass columnists like Mary Skilling Schmich and Dawn Turner Trite, is still sending reporters to the Taste of Chicago to eat as much as they can, and has a Metro section that is a random collection of mostly irrelevant stories.
I think the phrase is tone-deaf.
There must be a tax write-off for killing a paper on purpose.
We the People's Bus
"It's when John Krasinski punches Robin Williams in the face."
Best QVC Call Ever
Maybe they should branch out into health insurance: Wal-Care.
Really? I thought Millennium Park was finished.
"Mayor Daley and the Chicago Housing Authority promised residents access to the newly built 'mixed-income' developoments."
Oh, that CHA thingie.
"Today, as the new mixed-income communities fill up, two-thirds of the CHA families on the waiting list find their applications are being denied."
To paraphrase Hillary Clinton, if two-thirds of any contingent of white people were being denied anything, there would be an outcry of outrage.
"Part of the difficulty for CHA families lies in the strict criteria built into the mixed-income leases, such as mandatory drug testing and 30-hour work week requirements."
Um, aren't a lot of families consigned to public housing because they can't get 30 hours of work a week?
The rest of us are on a need-to-know basis.
Why not just expand Medicare to everyone?
The Beachwood Tip Line: Commute yourself.
Posted on July 3, 2007
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