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The [Tuesday] Papers

1. Fly Like The Eagles.

"The Eagles' greatest hits album has moonwalked past Michael Jackson's Thriller to become history's best-selling album of all-time," AP's Mesfin Fekadu reports.

Moonwalking is walking backwards. The Eagles album has jumped ahead of Thriller, if you must put such a metaphor on it. Stop trying to be such a mediocre version of clever - it's not good writing.


The headline on the link: "The Eagles Fly Past Michael Jackson."

A) Lame. Your first thought will be everybody's first thought. Think harder. Or just say it; not every headline (or lead) has to be "clever."

B) So the headline has the Eagles record flying past Jackson, but the lead right under it has the Eagles record moonwalking, um, past Jackson, who must be behind them.


From Wikipedia:

[A]ccording to Don Felder, none of the band members had any say in the decision to release the compilation album. The band complained that the album was "nothing more than a ploy by the record company to sell product without having to pay additional production costs." Don Henley was unhappy that songs like "Tequila Sunrise" and "Desperado" were lifted out of the context of the original album in a way that he thought detrimental to the nature, quality and meaning of the music. He said: "All the record company was worried about were their quarterly reports. They didn't give a shit whether the greatest hits album was good or not, they just wanted product." Despite being unhappy with the album's release, the band nevertheless reasoned that it gave them more time to work on the Hotel California album.

Indie rock cool kids have long liked to shit on the Eagles, and I get that there are annoying aspects to that band, but I like a helluva lot of their songs.

2. No Dragon Fish For You.

"A Chicago chef faces charges that he attempted to violate federal law by trying to buy 24 banned 'dragon fish' - which can fetch thousands of dollars each - for his home aquarium, according to his lawyer and court records," the Sun-Times reports.

3. Agent Trump.

"The Russian military intelligence unit that sought to influence the 2016 election appears to have a new target: conservative American think tanks that have broken with President Trump and are seeking continued sanctions against Moscow, exposing oligarchs or pressing for human rights," the New York Times reports.

"The shift to attacking conservative think tanks underscores the Russian intelligence agency's goals: to disrupt any institutions challenging Moscow and President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia."

4. Collusion.

"The Trump administration unveiled its rewrite of pollution rules for coal-fired power plants, and in the fine print is an analysis showing an increase of up to 1,400 premature deaths annually," the New York Times reports.

Conspiracy to commit murder, right?

5. Cracker Jacks.

"After more than a century behind bars, the beasts on boxes of animal crackers are roaming free," AP reports.

"Mondelez International, the [Deerfield-based] parent company of Nabisco, has redesigned the packaging of its Barnum's Animals crackers in response to pressure from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals."


Elsewhere in Mondelez news:

Oreo cookies and its competitor Hydrox, which brands itself as the "original sandwich cookie" according to its website, are engaged in a feud.

Hydrox representatives posted on Facebook about their suspicions that Mondelez International, the parent company of Oreo, has been systematically hiding Hydrox cookies on grocery store shelves to keep customers from buying them. The post announced that Hydrox had filed an official complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC).

According to the Facebook post, Mondelez uses "direct store distribution," which means its own employees deliver and stock Oreos on shelves, whereas Hydrox cookies are stocked by individual grocery store employees. Hydrox attached several pictures of its product that appear to be hidden behind hanging items or pushed to the back of grocery store shelves, thus making them harder to notice than Oreo cookie packages.

The thing is, Hydrox sucks.

But yeah, it would be wrong to hide them, heh-heh.


Grocery store scene you'll never see:

"Hey, why do I have to dig past the Oreos to get to the Hydrox?!"


But again, I'm not endorsing dirty corporate cookie play. I'm just sayin' - make a better cookie!

6. Medonna.

"After Aretha Franklin died last week, MTV's Video Music Awards producers scrambled to plan a tribute that would air during the network's annual telecast on Monday night. The stakes were high to honor the legendary soul singer - and unfortunately, thanks to a bizarre speech from Madonna, it didn't go so well," the Washington Post reports.

That's because Madonna has no soul.

7. I Just Hacked a State Election. I'm 17. And I'm Not Even a Very Good Hacker.

8. American Airlines Scrapping Direct Chicago-Shanghai Flight.

"American Airlines Group is dropping a major U.S.-China route for the second time this year, part of a plan to pare unprofitable flights amid pressure from higher fuel prices," Bloomberg reports.

"American is canceling 11 total overseas routes while adding nine. The changes include starting new service between Philadelphia and Berlin; Bologna, Italy, and Dubrovnik, Croatia. It's also opening a flight between Phoenix and London.

"Discontinued routes include Philadelphia-Munich, Los Angeles-Toronto and flights connecting New York's John F. Kennedy International with Dublin and Edinburgh.

"The price of jet fuel has climbed more than 30 percent in the past year."

9. Illinois Just Made It Into The United States Of Canada.

10. Our Freaky Universe.



The rhythms of crime in Chicago. Crime vs time of year. from r/chicago





Art & Language Festival 2018: Chicago SW Hispanic Folk Dance Group El Chiflido Del Vaquero.



'Why Am I Still Hiding This?' The State Of Mental Health In The NBA.


America's Invisible Pot Addicts.


Vitamin D, The Sunshine Supplement, Has Shadowy Money Behind It.


Bulletproof Just Got $40 Million More, So Let's Explain Their Coffee Claims.


A sampling.





The Beachwood Tronc Line: Ouch.


Posted on August 21, 2018

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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