Chicago - Aug. 16, 2017

Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
ElRey
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)

Weather Derby
Tribune: 51/37
Sun-Times: Ferro/McKinney
Weather Channel: 44/41
Ntl Weather Service: 54/43
BWM*: 82/12

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Liberties will be taken.

Do We Sudoku?
No, but we do do moose stuff, and that can be anything you want it to be. Except Sudoku.

Losing Lottery Numbers
8, 25, 39

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I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. (louisehay.com)

Ellie
Knowing that a person may be unwittingly in danger of an assault imposes a moral duty to warn them.

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The [Tuesday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

A bit too much on my plate today for a proper column, so here's some United stuff if you haven't seen it already.

I think that United Airlines finally became President of the United States last night
— Dante Atkins (@DanteAtkins) April 10, 2017

Breaking: United introducing frequent fighting miles.
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 10, 2017

Cue the media's cliched crisis communications stories for how United should handle its PR crisis (which is really a policy/behavior crisis).
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 10, 2017

Soylent Green is United passengers
— David Brauer (@dbrauer) April 10, 2017

New on the Beachwood today . . .

Poor Whites Just Realized They Need Education Equity As Much As Black Folk
But they must be able to say the word "equity" to get it.

The Top 10 Wisconsin Insect Trends Of 2016
Some truly bizarre creatures.

BeachBook

Builders Continue Demolishing Chicago's Historic Housing Stock.

Wise Underfills Potato Chip Bags, Lawsuit Claims.

See also:

Here We Downsize Again.

TweetWood
A sampling.

Did @GovRauner just delete a tweet about the #Cubs first championship in 107 years before I could say "No wonder we don't have a budget?"
— Beachwood Reporter (@BeachwoodReport) April 10, 2017

Yes, he - or most likely his staff - did. They retweeted this with the correct figure and the inevitable self-serving photo:

Wishing Addison Russell & all the Cubs a great season. Can't wait to see the championship banner raised tonight after 108 years! #GoCubsGo pic.twitter.com/av6S2CFWqr
— Bruce Rauner (@GovRauner) April 10, 2017

Peggy Noonan, Pulitzer Prize winner, which is why we should never take awards too seriously; just look at the Grammy's.